PLEASE!!! Need help quick! Calling all vets!

[AJM]

Tad. If you can't read that last post by Antonia and "get it" then I'm not sure that you are at a place where you will get it for a very long time.

I can tell you that what you heard and witnessed? I can echo Drew's post - almost word for word.

They feel like they need to run. They feel guilty for leaving you. That comes across as anger, guilt, (it's a cycle - anger-guilt cycle) and then confusion as they have parts of the conversation in their heads. They do actually want you to get rid of them. They feel like they are done and if you hang on, then, "you just don't listen." Which, after ruminating a few thousand times, becomes "YOU NEVER LISTENED TO ME". or ... oh what's the point. You see how this goes if you start with them feeling like they need to run away, mix it with guilt, love, anger, years of knowing you and not knowing themselves. Shake it all up and garnish with with a few sprigs of depression and... voila!

Make sense? No. Becuase you don't think like that and you don't have the information they have. You only see the top of the iceburg. An incomplete story. Their anger. Confusion. You can feel it and it confuses you while you try to understand and recover from the whiplash of the "sudden" change.

Like a 50's sci-fi horror, you'll see aliens. You'll see drama. You'll see costumes (teen?). You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wish you were as crazy as you suddenly feel. You'll feel her emotions along with her and that will make you sad. Sad enough you'll almost want to agree with her batty half-baked accusations. Comical enough you'll choke on your own spit so as not to laugh out loud at some of the shenanigans.

But in the end, your heart will have been broken by somebody you felt you trusted. Along the way, you'll feel like you have been used, lied to, cheated on, etc. You will be angry, confused, and so on and when you express those emotions you'll be met by accusations that you are a monster Rinse, repeat.

The real end of the chapter is that you'll come to the realization that while you felt happy in the relationship, you'll realize that nobody should be treated like that. You'll realize that you won't allow anyone to treat you like that again. Once is enough. You'll realize that you can't understand why, but you can understand what. What happened? She left. What else? She was angry and confused at you. Not sick per se (any more than a teen is sick vs. growth), but frustrated and confused and misguided and generally panicked.

It is, Tad, what it is. You can get sad about it but you'll eventually die of that or realize that your sadness is for what was or could have been, but not for what is. Because what is won't make you sad.

Think about some of these Tad. Stop guessing if she's happy or not. She is what she is and you can't change that. She left and you cannot change that either. Sometimes, I'd argue in fits of lucidity on your part, you don't want her back. And you sometimes forget that she is not the woman you loved nor a person that can be loved right now.

What you want is your old hopes and dreams back. What you have is, well, reality.

This process will burn away the dreams and hopes. You didn't ask for this, but you're along for the ride anyway and will have to have the hopes and dreams burned away. From the ashes, green and fertile hopes will spring up next growing season.

When will that growing season come? When you get your mind into reality and realize that what is, is. What you see right now is not reality but that strange and depressing place between reality and your hopes and dreams that you have not yet let go of.

That's what's dying Tad. Your grasp of what could have been. What you wanted.

Your marriage died when your W walked out. Really, before that.

What you have next is something you cannot find out about until later. Much later. Meanwhile you need to have grace and compassion and you need to fight to see reality. Be the first on your block to do so.

Let yourself see reality Tad.

AJ