Do what I can but still have questions 4

[soccerwife]

Well, I haven't checked in here in quite a while, and I think it is time I get back to it. I have been employing DB techniques even though I haven't been on here. I have felt pretty good, except for a few really down days this week. Not much has changed in the house except that H is more persistant in D and is now also threatening to move out sooner rather than later. He is using the threat of moving out to try to get me to agree to go to mediation. I will NOT back down from what I believe.

I believe he is feeling frustrated because he is feeling a tug back toward me again and it makes him uncomfortable. I agreed to talk with him tonight. I will simply validate his opinion but not bother stating my side again because it only prolongs the arguement and makes him justify his POV even more.

As per Laurie DB Coach's suggestion to me months ago, I am planning out tonight's conversation so that we end closer rather than further, just like what happened last night.

Me: "H, you said you had a bad day today, do you want to talk about it?"

I will just listen with interest and offer no advice, criticism, or complaints. He will likely ask if he can set up the mediation meeting or if he should begin looking for another place to live to speed up the D process (a threat). I will say that I have already stated my POV on that topic and have nothing new to offer but if he needs me to restate how I feel, I would be happy to clarify things.

I will also restate what I said last night that seemed to get his attention: "I don't trust that he has the family's best interest at heart and that he needs to begin treating me with more respect and kindness to regain my trust. If he is unable or unwilling to put effort into that, then I know that he cannot be trusted in the case of D." Further, I may state that making threats is no way to gain trust.

At every opportunity I will attempt to lighten the mood with other topics just as happened last night. List of things I may bring up:
1. my grandma is in hospital but doing fine
2. kids school day
3. plans for next week
4. the garage I got him for our anniversary
5. I will ask him about his car repairs and his soccer game