Not sure why but sitting at my desk completely focused on work. That has not been easy of late. A huge wave of anxiety washes over me. Mind is spinning cant think about work at all. Can only think about the W leaving me and telling me she doesnt want to work it out. I dont even know where that came from.......I wasnt even thinking about her. Guess I let my guard down to much. Ugh I hate this...parts of me wants her to just get it over with so we can both start to heal and move on, although I dont know that I ever could really "MOVE ON". I know this all has to happen at her pace just been a really long 4 1/2 months....which I have learned isnt a lot of time for this sort of thing. I am really scared and I know I cant show it. Feel a little bit like a duck on a lake. Every thing seems nice and calm on the surface but just below the surface he paddling like crazy. I kind of dread going home afraid I am going to say something stupid......will have to stay out of my own head for sure tonight or I will let it go and that is not a good idea.
