It isn't really that I am unhappy with the news, it is just that it changes all the plans I had for life. All the ways I thought I could start to get life under control, fix things that I hadn't done well before. Sort of like having level ground to stand on, and finally feeling like I am balanced and can move forward.
I'm afraid that trying to gain ground when the world around me is always changing has always been a challenge for me. Hans von Asperger rides again! But it really is kind of unrealistic, isn't it, to expect the world to stop so I can get my bearings.
I haven't even gotten to the point where I am worried about the child, yet. Mostly, I'm worrying about my W! Advanced maternal age, and she's not in the best shape of her life. I told her last night that I would be devastated if anything were to happen to her, and I think she understood. I also told her ILY, and she smiled and hugged me. I told her if there was anything I could do to help her take care of herself, she should let me know, and she calmly said no, "just take care of you, and I'll take care of me."
But I guess I really need to be more positive. Its just a huge adjustment!
W showed me the first ultrasound yesterday (8 weeks), and we told the kids. They all cheered like crazy! They are sooooo excited! That made it more real to me - until then, it almost seemed like a dream.
We also have to tell my parents and W's. That's gonna be a fun event. My parents will not approve, but will be pleasant in that midwestern way, while politely pointing out the new challenges that this will be, and probably say something like, "We know what causes that, you know."
W's parents, on the other hand, are from the northeast coast. They will say exactly what they think, and it is unlikely to be positive. We're going to tell everyone together at a family gathering that is happening on Sunday - get the whole thing over with at once. I'm kind of prepared for a tense day, that day.
But I also know I will have to be standing by W's side, and figure out some way to deflect the criticism - I will need to stand up for her, because she will be the target of most of it. I was never good enough for their daughter anyway, so they may just give me a pass, while they tell her she should have known better.
Now that I think about it, one of the things I am most nervous about is the strain it will put on family relationships for a while. Probably wrong on my part to worry so much about what other people think.
Well, I have already taken up enough work time. Better sign off.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
