DelinquentGurl and 25yearsmlc thank you for your replies. I have also posted in the separated forum.
I am reading DR now. I have read it all the way through and now going back section by section.
I found out months later that the pastor told me to leave because he was into me. Apparently he was having problems in his own marriage and thought he had a chance with me. I did not see this. I trusted this man because I had know him for over 20 years. He is old enough to be my dad. A couple of months after the separation my H went to him to talk about our R. That was when our pastor got very upset and started cussing out my H and told him about his plans for being with me. My H then became convinced that we had something going on which we DID NOT! My H kept this information from me for 2 months. When he finally did tell me I was in complete shock. I then cut off all communication with the pastor and told him to never contact me again, and he hasn't. I have given my H permission to have access to my phone to prove to him that I have nothing to hide.
To this day, I don't understand what the pastor was thinking. This was not the man that I had grown up with. His wife and I were best of friends. Our families even spent holidays together. I was really hurt when all of this came out. I felt so betrayed. His W and Ds still do not talk to me to this day. I have found out that he told his wife that there were things going on. He told her that we had plans to run away together and never come back. I have no clue where he even got these ideas!
I know my H was hurt by all of this also. I really had no idea what his intentions were, and I feel like H is punishing me for something that I didn't even do. Yes I said and did some horrible things to my H, and I deeply regret that, but I had the pastor coaching me the whole way. I am not trying to put the blame all on him. I should have opened my eyes and saw what was going on. I told my H that I take responsibility for my part.
I'm afraid that because of my stupidity that I have lost my H forever.
