Reading your post brought back a lot of painful memories for me, and it makes me very sad for you. I will promise you this...the day will come when you sleep well again, when you are hungry again and are able to eat without feeling sick, when you feel happy and really smile and laugh again. The day will even come when you don't think about ow and the stupid A several times throughout the day. So, while my advice may not be worth much, take this from me, Been There, Done That lc4, with certainty....the sun will shine again.
This is exactly what I need to hear because last week it seemed like the pain was going to last forever. What a difference a week makes...
I'm actually eating again (and it will be 3 weeks tomorrow), which is fine because if I lose more than 10lbs, my face looks too angular. I can't say I'm sleeping all that well yet though, and I've had to take Gravol a few times to get to sleep. (I read online that it can help with occasional insomnia but I'm being careful not to take it every night).
But yes, still thinking about the stupid A every single day, far too often, and crazy pathetic ow too. Luckily, I'm pretty good at controlling my emotions so no one would know during the day that I'm in some kind of emotional hell. At night when I'm in bed is when I find that it hits me the most but it's not tears, it's the overwhelming anxiety that keeps me awake. Overall, I'm think I'm functioning really well during the day now because my daytime anxiety has dissipated. I'm actually surprising myself...
Originally Posted By: lc4
She said the right things at the right time to H, making him feel "loved" and "special." In their Fantasy Land of no bills, not having to juggle kids, not having to live together, no morning breath and bad hair days and PMS, no extended family pressures, etc. she was always perfect. The thing is, Fantasy Land goes bye-bye real quick when reality comes crashing down.
Well, the thing that puzzles me is that ow was going through cancer treatments at the beginning of the year so I don't know how much of a Fantasy Land escape it all was...I mean the woman was receiving chemo and radiation, yet she kept on conducting an affair? You would think getting cancer would cause her to reflect on her life, and her choices but no, she was still threatening my H and begging him to abandon his family for her. My H said some of the A wasn't very fun. (Poor baby. ) He did admit he felt sorry for her.
Originally Posted By: lc4
Sounds like your H got a good dose of reality. I just hate that you and the kids had to be hurt in the process.
Yes, he definitely did got a super sized dose. He said the guilt from this whole mess is with him every single minute of the day. He looks tired and worn down, and is not sleeping very well himself.
Anyway, taking a break from this whole drama is a great idea, lc. We actually watched Bridesmaids the other night and it was nice to laugh again.
Originally Posted By: lc4
Do your best to keep an open mind and a soft heart; things will happen as they are supposed to in time (says the woman who has no patience ).
Oh, I'm trying because honestly patience is not my strongest trait either.
And I keep cycling back to the rage stage and that's when I want to D him but I keep remembering that I should not be making drastic decisions for at least 6 months. H can tell by looking at me when I'm having what he now calls a "rage day" and he's been very understanding. (I find yelling at him when I'm driving into the city helps even though he's not actually in the car with me. I know, I know... )
Anyway, H has been reading about what the betrayed spouse goes through in the weeks after the A is revealed so keeps reassuring me that everything I am feeling is perfectly normal, given the circumstances. He also asks me frequently if I need to talk about the A or if I have any questions and he still apologizes everyday. He also suggested we both go to IC and then MC, but I told him I'm not quite ready to talk to anyone yet. We still have Retrovaille coming up in a little over two weeks so I will wait until after that to look for a C that specializes in infidelity.
H has also shared with me that he's scared I will D him over the A, which is ironic considering he's been threatening me with D since April. It's also interesting to hear the things that snapped him back to reality -- like the letter I agonized over sending back in August at exactly 4 months after the first bomb. Apparently, that letter actually worked. He never say ow again and then spent the next 3 weeks avoiding her, and trying to get her to get sick of waiting so she'd go away...That was my attempt at the LRT.
Anyway, thank-you as always for your advice and thoughts, lc. Love, hugs and prayers to you too. ((()))
ow 
) He did admit he felt sorry for her. 
).
