Grace, Love, Compassion, and Faith

[aeolianchaos]

Val,

Thank you for sharing that - it is very personal stuff and I'm sure putting out here (even an anonymous forum) is a move of bravery on your part.

Stinking thinking -- we can't change what we can't recognize.. no apologies needed from you!

Since I've inundated you with lots of questions, I'm going to do my best not ask more for the time being.

I would highly suggest that you think about who you are and who you want to be. I have followed your progress since you came on here, and it's been remarkable. Might not hurt to think about that progress somewhat, and the strength and courage its taken you to get to that point.

Sometimes we take our own accomplishments for granted, while loudly applauding the work of others.

If you feel like empathy or validation is going to lead down that road - then don't use empathy or validation. I think there is such a thing as too much of both of those.

Maybe you've mapped her out well enough to know how she is going to respond, so be ready for that. You are 100% capable of handling this, and not taking anything she says personally.

When you try to define another person, you define yourself.

^^^^^^^ What your W says to you and about you speaks for her and her character. Don't let it inside you. Not out of fear, but out of love. Love for yourself. Love for the best in who you are.

Some ideas about the panicking and other stuff:

1) Spend some time really exploring the feeling of your fear. Try to get rid of all the stories that you tell yourself about it, and just attend to the actual feelings you have. Get real curious about it. Make friends with it.

2) Strategize ahead of time how it's going to go down. This is a legal matter, not a personal one. Write it down every day: "If x Then y" where X is something that happens and y is how you are going to handle it.

Planning when, where, and how you are going handle something ahead of time increases your odds of success for a lot of reason. A lot of which work in your unconscious and will be very reliable.

3) Get yourself psyched up. Come up with some realistic affirmations about the wonderful Val that we've all come to know on here, and look yourself in the mirror every day and say them out loud. If you get to the point where you are smiling and laughing, even better.

4) Know that whatever the outcome, you will be alright.