What happens next part II?????

[25yearsmlc]

Get a helmet on and pay attention closely Rick. You don't have a lot of time and you have a lot to learn NOW....

Thanks for the advise guys. 25 is right I have only been trully DBing a couple of weeks and have back slid many times. Since my M is hanging on a thread I can only do the LRT at this time.
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D- I slept downstairs on the couch (the couch in the living room where my WAW has beeen sleeping for 3 months)

M- I said why? ( D was one her way upstairs to get ready for school)

D- Because this cubix rubix (not sure of spelling) keeps mysteriously appearing in my room. (W was in ktichen listening)


D- It's in the trash.

W- who trew it out

D- Mommy and I'm not sleeping in my room again

W got relly sad. My D's statements freaked me out. Now I know something is wrong. She is afraid of toys in her room and it broke my heart.

I said what's going on. D said she heard people banging on the house.

This is the convo W and I went.

M- I am worried can I now bring a counselor?

W- I never said you couldn't is just the way you said it.( a few days earlier I asked her if she was ok with it. She did what she always does, blank stare and no answer either way)

And you did nothing to follow up. Nothing. You abdicated your job and then blamed her for not taking over OR you blame her for taking over...either way she is without a real partner.

M- The way I said it. ( I stopped my self had a feeling she wanted to blame me so I said this) I want to help her with this. I can have a counselor come to the house or she can talk to my counselor.

W- I will get her her own counselor I'm sure your counselor is good but she knows about your stuff and I don't think its a good idea.

M- I understand that. let me know how I can help

W- I will see if I can get her an appoinment locally. I was thinking of taking her to a counselor last year when she was having anxitie attacks during school presentations.

I thought about her last statement. She told me in passing as usual that D was not doing presentations in school due to fear. I know all about public speaking all 3 of us hate them. But I was surprised that W never talked to me that she was thinking of taking her to a counselor.

When D made those comments I went into the I needed to know more, and almost did what I usually did, interrogate.

This is why your w did not tell you.^^^^ and your next sentence...


It became very clear to me as to why I blow up on W.

So instead of a strong supportive h, she has a blamer who blows up when there is trouble with the child. You become Exactly the opposite of what YOUR WIFE OR DAUGHTER NEED then...


It goes something like this. I will either make a suggestion or talk to W about something that might need doing. Whether stuff around the house, D's schooling etc. I usually am met with either a blank stare, I don't know or out right rejection of a suggestion. So either way I usually think that W is saying NO.

that's YOUR problem, not hers. She did not say "no" and you do nothing to follow up. Or you interrogate, AND then you lose your temper.

I'm kind of stunned that you haven't seen this as your baggage.


She usually does things without me knowing or discussing it with me.

can you see why?


perfect example, last summer I said to W that we should have the AC system maintained. She said why spend the money if it ain't broke. So last summer we had a heat wave and the AC went. Cost me 600$ bacause it was an emergency call. If I had it checked earlier in the season it would have cost 200$.

WHY IS THAT^^^ YOUR W'S FAULT? She gave her opinion but did not say "no" and then you did nothing about it. But then you blamed her when it failed.

If it had worked fine all year, would you have thanked her for keeping you from wasting money on maintenance?

Have the spine to follow through with something if her opinion doesn't persuade you. Do it yourself! .

So when W does not say to go ahead I just take it as she is saying no.

rick, this ^^^ is YOUR perception and it's not reality. It's you wanting HER to make the decision

but when she offers an opinion you back off and abdicate to her, so she is in a no win situation that must frustrate her a lot.


But when sh@@@t hits the fan and I say I told you so



OMG****that^^^^ statement right there = blame and it's among the most destructive uneccessary things to say in life. It encourages deceit in your partner, b/c you cannot handle them making mistakes

so you throw it in their faces -(that what "I told you so" Means...)AND

worse, you blame them for mistakes that don't necessarily belong to THEM anyhow...
like half this stuff sounds like your mistake, OR jointly made mistakes...


she blames me for not doing something as in this morning regarding getting a counselor.

Get your daughter a c yourself. Now. If you are half as worried as you claim, then be her dad and act.

Stop dumping all the messy stuff on your w, and then telling her 'I told you so' when the [censored] hits the fan

and you stand by whining that you were right and 'Something has to be done' but not by you b/c no one told you to...

I hope my kid survives this unharmed. I hope W sees that she is hurting my D's life, me and her own life.

I hope YOU see how your sabotaging passive aggressive role affects your m and d and wife. I pray you will Open your eyes.