I didn't want to read it either, but about 8-9 months back I was fed up, angry and ready to begin divorce proceedings.
A friend recommended I read that book before I make any decisions to understand exactly the long term consequences of taking such action would be on my children.
It did and does make me hesitate.
However, it was never my choice/decision. You can't stay married to someone that has no wish to be married to you.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
D14 was just telling me that W called her this morning begging her to stay more at W's and trying to make her feel guilty.
Then said she is so lonely and that D14 should think about how she feels......
Nothing about what the kids want. D14 said again that this arrangement is what she wants.
S12 seems to be having a hard time atm, need to keep an eye on him. He had a nightmare sun night so had him in with me, then led with him last night as he was worrying again.
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
A bit more journaling from my conversation with D14 this evening
W was also telling D14 that she had brought more furniture to make it feel like home.
I can understand this but W need to think not about material things (as she also told kids last week she would buy them new clothes but never did in the end) but about how she interacts with them and what she has and is doing.
D14 said there had been arguments over the weekend, esp shouting at S12 over building the wardrobes W had purchased, saying he was doing it wrong, he is 12!!!! But again W wants others to do her work for her, like finding answers to why the kids what to be with me more and not her.
I tend to have good conversations with D14, as she understands more. I am so proud of her, and tell all my friends about her!!! and S12 of course
Anyway
D14 also said that W was asking questions over my female friend, the same as she had directly to me!
Plus, W had been asking D14 if I ask about her at all, and if I have even asked about OM, no which D14 replied, “no, he never asks” LOL, apparently W was taken back
In addition (LOL) W has also said to D14 “why is dad so calm” and that she thought I would have been very different!!!!!
I have told D14 that if I ever ask direct questions about W then she is to refuse (not that I have or will do) and this is for me, and D14 understood why
Off bowling in a mo, I like this GAL with the kids (brothers family coming also)
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
GAL Man, just hopping on the end, here. I haven't had the time to read through your entire situation.
Originally Posted By: GAL Man
But again W wants others to do her work for her, like finding answers to why the kids what to be with me more and not her.
Wow! That part about wanting others to her work for her sounds familiar. I'm sure she doesn't want to hear the answer to her question from you, though!
It sounds like you're doing a lot of good things and you're getting a lot of good results from your kids. It also sounds like you're doing a good job of creating some mystery.
Originally Posted By: GAL Man
Off bowling in a mo, I like this GAL with the kids (brothers family coming also)
Have a great time bowling with the family! I know what you mean - I love incorporating my S into my GAL!
Wow! That part about wanting others to her work for her sounds familiar. I'm sure she doesn't want to hear the answer to her question from you, though!
Actually she is trying to......
She has asked me in text, email and in person, saying she is big enough to hear it, and has really pressed and pushed it, In the past I most likely would have caved in, but not now!!!
My response was
1) Even if I tried to put it as diplomatically as I could she wouldnt like the answers I think they are
2) It is not for me to preach what is right and wrong
3) If i gave the answers then that would be me fixing, and thats not me anymore
Thing is Jbnati, W will pick up on one thing and go hell for leather with it, i.e.
I said obviously this is the kids home, were they grew up and feel safe and at home here, thus W then goes on to the kids over the next two weeks saying "if dad sells the house will you stay with me more"
Clearly, homing in on 1 thing, and not looking what the actual causes are.
At bowling tonight D14 checked in on fb and posted she was with her family, W posted (I can not see her posts) "no your not, I'm not there"
Then W text D14 saying she was sat on her sofa on fb bored!!!
Always on fb!!!!!! everyone knows her life from that bloody thing, even her oldest x-friend said that I could most likely find out where OM lives, what they do and how long they have been together just from her wall posts.
Anyway, really good night bowling, then some airhocky as usual. We usually go every other week, but will go next Tue as its my Bday!!!!
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
"At bowling tonight D14 checked in on fb and posted she was with her family, W posted (I can not see her posts) "no your not, I'm not there"
Ah, the mind of a WAS...
GAL Man, I have read your last thread and the similarities between your W and mine are...well, to be expected, I guess. They leave a wide path of scorched earth and scarred bodies behind them and then wonder why their family and friends want to avoid them.
The text conversation you had with your son brought tears to my eyes. Like jbnati, you are doing a great job of being there for your kids. They know what is what; your W will only hurt herself with her continued attempts at manipulation.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
CSA is the child benefit agency in the UK. This government agency gets involved when maintenance for children cannot be agreed between parents.....
So why W has gone to them, even she don't know.
Now the kids are with me 10/14 days, so by law I should be receiving the state child benefits for both, then when having these I would be able to claim maintenance or csa payments from W. But this is not what I want to do and have said that.
So have no idea how she thought she could claim against me, and no solicitor on their right mind would have advised her too.
I have still not received the D petition which my solicitor asked for 4 weeks ago, or a letter she said was coming, and after these coms it had been confirmed that W doesn't want to use a solicitor unless shr has too.
W said she wanted to discuss things, what is there to discuss which we haven't discussed already!!!!!
Don't get it
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
In the middle of the text conversation W calls my mobile. I was not angry persay, more overly passionate, and these were the high/lowlights.
W - I will cancel the order
M - you have gone back on your word again, I have stood by everything I have said I would and wouldn't do, but you have given me no choice, I have to reply by law. I didn't want to go there, but I told u what would happen if you backed me into a corner.
You said 6 weeks ago you were sorting S12 benefit out and I would be receiving a form to complete, I have still not received it, so I have done it myself, I said to you this is what I would do, not go for D14 benefit or take you for child maintenance, and have stood by that. But I have no choice now.
W - if you do that I will not be able to afford my rent so will move back in.
M - why have you done this
W - I don't know why
M - WTF, you don't know why you have done this?
W - no
M - what they hell did you expect me to do, u have given me no choice.
W - Well I will be moving back in on (date)
I hang up, then texts resume
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
