Asset list is complete. Email drafted. Hitting send.. that's another story.
JS - you talk about walking on eggshells only to know that they eggs will break anyway.
That's how I feel now.
It's hard to send this list. It's more extensive than hers. It clearly defines that she has more than me. There are alot of hot topics.
I wish I could compose an email saying "this is just a guide, just because I put things like 401k on the list.. doesn't mean I want it".
But there I go again, putting her feelings ahead of mine. Trying to manipulate the situation so I don't get "in trouble".
I spend 9 yrs trying to convince this woman that I love her and would not hurt her. I spent 9 yrs not sticking up for myself so I wouldn't get punished or get the cold treatment. I did my best to protect her from others and herself. In some ways, I was w's little whipping boy.
But in being the whipping boy, I no longer know how to love myself. It feels very unnatural to think of me before her. It feels unnatural that loving myself does NOT mean that I have stopped loving her.
Another 180 that will be healthy for me, but pushes me further away from w.
This blows.. just sayin..
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
