The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

[LearningPatience]

Thanks Harrier, you've turned an awesome day into a *super* awesome day

They say that at some point the LBS becomes the WAS. I think I'm rapidly approaching that point, if I'm not there already.

I'd like to say I fully detached from W, but I didn't. Mostly detached. I GAL'd pretty well, but I still had those hopes and expectations. I'd box them up and put them on the shelf, but take them down often.

I'd been asked if I would take back W at this point. I've grown, W hasn't (by her own admission), so if we got back together now I don't think it would last. Do I still love her? Yes. Is that enough? At some point, both people have to do the work to R, and I don't see W willing or able to do that now. Maybe someday. I'm not even sure how much more *I* am willing to do. Right now, I could give my W the ILYBINILWY speech.

Now, I'm starting to get feelings for someone else. I see a glimpse of the things that I had been missing R wise. It's a paradox: my eyes are both blinded by the thought of someone new in my life and see clearly that I was holding onto an R that was dead, trying to breathe life into it.

It's hard. Next month will be our 5th anniversary, yet by that time we'll have been S for a full 1/4 of that time. I'm proud that I stood for my W and M, and I'm mourning for the life together that we may never have.

But... I'm happy too. My GAL has been working great, I'm very proud of my kids, and I have lots of people in my life that I care about that also care for me. I've really got it pretty good.

So where does that leave my DBing? Well, I'm certainly more cognizant of interactions within a R. I know myself better and am happy with the person I am. Will I continue posting here? That I don't know. I'm sure I'll keep up on various posts and do my best to help, I'm a firm believer in paying it forward!

Wish me luck!