PLEASE!!! Need help quick! Calling all vets!

[AntoniaB]

OMG Drew, that is so right! I bet if he hadn't filled it out, she'd have done the same, told him he was trying to stop her from what she wanted, blah blah blah.

See Tad? It makes no difference what you do in her eyes.

Ok let me give you a different way to look at the statement "I'm such a fool" or "I've been so foolish."

There is a victim mentality in that statement. It sort of indicates a closing down, a woe is me attitude. The more you are a victim, the more you are codependent and "need" her to keep you from feeling victimized.

So turn it around.

Tell yourself that yesterday is past. You have carried a ton of hope around that SHE would get herself together, and that hope in HER has made you act foolishly. But today, no more. You are going to visualize that hope is this sort of bubble that encompasses a person, and you are going to lift that bubble from around her crazy, MLC insanity and rage, and you are going to gently place that bubble of hope around YOU.

By placing all the hope around YOU, what are you hoping for? That you can accept her decision--no matter how wrong or crazy it is--with dignity and grace. And you're going to hope that YOU will grow and learn to be a better man and a good role model for your sons and that some day, when she comes out of her fog, maybe she will see you for who you are and not a projection of her own problems. You're also going to hope that if she never is able to do that, that you'll be able to take the years that were good with her as blessings and with your growth, perhaps you will choose someone else FAR down the road and have a second very meaningful relationship.

I'm not PUSHING at all another relationship. I'm saying that if things can never be made right with her, because of HER choices, that it's not the end of the road for you.

So like I said, take these feelings that make you want to crawl into a hole and be sad and turn them around to feelings of empowerment. This is a choice that is in YOUR hands, not hers. You have given her so much power over you as we all do and you have to come to a point where you take that power back for yourself.

This whole thing has been a very important lesson for you, so use it wisely.