"If ex husband #1 is the father of SS22, then she may be telling XH#1 that SS22 has his own room because she wants him to think he's okay."

Exactly. So she's lying to him too.

I understand your caution about taking it slow, but...why? She has told me she does not love me, she does not want to save our marriage, she does not trust or respect me, she's having a PA with the OM after repeatedly telling me there's nothing going on...at what point is it OK for me to say, "It's over?"

Sometimes I think everyone's caution about "taking it slow" is just avoiding the inevitable.

H 56
W 48
D27,S21
SS25
SS22 Severely autistic
M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs.
"I've never loved you" 3/7/2011
Separated 8/7/2011
BITS