A victim mentality refers to blaming others for what's wrong in one's world, and/or thinking that the future cannot hold any hope of improvement. Your life seems full in many ways, but when you describe being trapped by your W's choices, it does come out as victim-speak. At the same time, you've discussed the impossibility of making changes yourself for fear you'd find yourself in a worse situation--and take great delight in pointing out those whose sexual situations are less than ideal.
So, of the options you give above, I'd choose #2: you're a victim because you're complaining and not planning on doing anything about it.
Richard Bach said, "If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.” How could you take responsibility for your situation? Or, as YAH wisely suggests, how could you come to peace with your ssm situation, and make it your choice as well?
