Oh DG you know what NOT to do. We all do it. We all struggle. OMG it's hard, but you are doing amazingly well overall. Don't give up. But DO NOT do that phone stuff again. It does not help you and only hurts!!!!
(((HUGS)))
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Oh DG ((( ))) Yes it does take something bigger than a 2x4. It's gonna take something that only you can give yourself.
Sweetie.. I get it. My w stopped talking to me too. There are times when I hurt soo bad. I don't understand why this is happening. I don't understand how someone I spent 9 yrs with can just stop talking to me. Sometimes those feelings are soo strong that I just want to reach out. Sometimes it's to try to answer the "why" question, sometimes I just want to know that she still think about me. Something, anything, to avoid the truth of the situation. Because some days.. the truth seems to painful to bare.
At least that's what goes on in my head.
But you have to accept that this is what your h is deciding. It actually has very little to do with you. Nothing you have done excuses this action and nothing you can do will stop it either.
Try to get yourself in a mental state of mind to handle this. The other day when I wanted to text w so bad, I texted 4 other friends instead. When I can't believe she has chosen to say "You're not worth it".. I reread texts and fb postings from friends that say the opposite.
You said on my thread that you feel more loved now than ever. Focus on that now My friend said to me last month. You have 12 people on one side cheering you on, loving you unconditionally.. and you have one.. being a stinker. Why can't you focus on the 12 rather than the one??
She's was right. So hard to do, but is necessary... otherwise we can't move forward.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Maybe it would be a good idea to separate your cell phone accounts. My husband and I did that when we separated, and I have to say it's a huge relief not having the temptation there to snoop.
Don't beat yourself up about what you did; everyone backslides from time to time. Just enforce some boundaries with yourself of what isn't healthy for you.
I agree you should totally seperate the cell phone accounts. It was good for me when we seperated our cell phones. I couldn't snoop. Snooping does nothing but hurt you. Your H isn't going to seperate the accounts so you have to.
Everytime you want to text your H text me instead. I haven't been sleeping at all lately so I am ready for you!
I just went through my phone book and didn't find you so who knows I may have deleted it by accident.
Today I had my appt with my C and it was a good session. We talked about my self esteem and where I am at with it. I think my surface esteem is pretty good, I can look in the mirror and think I look good in something or I look cute, but my internal esteem needs a lot of work. I still feel very much rejected by my H and it is making me feel like I am worthless and rejected. She wants me to change my view and not let my worth and value rest on whether or not H wants to be with me or not.
I went in there perfectly fine, but broke down crying. I don't know where that emotion came from.
One of the things I have realized is I have changed. I haven't lost my temper once in the past 9 months. I've been angry yes, but it was valid anger and lashing out of spite, if that makes sense. I've only yelled at my son once and that was because I caught him lying to my face, but even then, I didn't say anything that I would regret later. The old DG would say whatever I could say to make it sting, but not anymore. Now I know the difference between being angry and being mean.
I didn't look at the records today. I made a conscious effort not to do it, and I am proud of myself for that. Baby steps I remind myself......
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
