NYC, she is either bluffing about filing... or she's not...
here's the deal... first, as others mention above, don't leave the marital home... may not look good, legally...
second, when there's an ultimatum like D played, there's always another card being held... it's either an OM and she worries she'll have to go underground more, or she doesn't want to actually deal with the elephant in the room... ie. actually facing the poor R and working on it...
If she needs time alone, let her know that she is always welcome to do her own things on her own time. And yes, play the kids and cost (of separate homes).
