Another crisis.....but H opening up now

[angel61]

Thank you Cyrena! That confirms my feeling that H is progressing through the tunnel. He also does seem to want to share his mental turmoil with me more openly now, especially when there is a trigger. I am not sure though if I should respond to that by being open as well, but what I have done so far is to sort of share my thoughts as well, but I try to do it in a way that is no longer blame filled or accusatory, and I am truly trying to see it from his point of view and give him the compassion he needs.

You know, earlier in the sitch, my H confided to one friend - and this guy is a huge womanizer, who did not believe in marriage or monogamy. My sense there is that there are some factors that influence who they confide in, mostly about how they will be judged. I think this is what happened to your H during that time. If they confide to people who are worse than they are then of course, the pot can't call the kettle....you know the rest.


In his case, I do feel that he has made a choice, and that is why he is able to confide now - he is no longer afraid of the fallout from his wrongdoing because those he confides in will say "you are doing the right thing". Its just a way to justify his misdeeds (he knows I told his brother) and sharing his pain -he is looking for compassion.


My H is just is holding on, can't let go completely yet as of this point.And I know that is the one thing that will be hard for him, unless there is a hard stop (like OW finds someone else, moves away, etc) he will try to hold on. He is the type of person who has long term interests - unlike me, I always have been a flitter, a restless soul.

Thank you again for sharing your experiences. I am going through all the same experiences as you.... its amazing ....I think truly, you are one of my guardian angels! I wish I could get to know you more. Do you happen to be on the alt?