lc4, wretched, in shock and others...thanks for your responses. Wretched, the article you posted above is really, really helpful and I think it definitely applies in my case. I hear from my husband that I've been a terrible listener over the years, and I'm finally starting to "get it" that he is right. I'm also realizing how my angry, emotional reactions to everything he says have, and continue to, wreak incredible damage and havoc on our marriage. I hope not irreparable damage, but only time will tell at this point.
I'm also working on learning the difference between "reacting" and "responding". In the heat of the moment, I tend to react...with angry retorts or sarcastic remarks that are totally based in emotion, not usually well thought out, and generally not helpful at all. what I need to do now is try to "respond" - thoughtfully, with dignity and respect, and without too much emotion (I'm always going to be a bit of an emotional gal, but too much is WAY too much in my case) during our conversations.
The problem comes with the detaching piece. Detach, detach, detach. It's become my mantra. Unfortunately, I'm having real difficulty enforcing my own boundaries when it comes to this part of the DB process, and I know how critical it is, so I'm anxious about my inability in this area. Anyone have any specific tips? I know ... GAL, keep a PMA, etc. I'm doing those things, quite well I think, but I still seem to have so many moments where I seem way TOO attached to my H. And it's so not helpful. Destructive, actually.
OK, tonight the Skins play the Cowboys so my GAL involves plopping myself in front of the TV for the long haul tonight. Thanks for all your help, folks.
