You stated, "I'm quite used to hearing people assuming that the reason I'm not having sex is because I haven't yet done such-and-such. And when I tell them I'm already doing, or have done, such-and-such, they get annoyed."
THEY GET ANNOYED! Really? What responses have given you that impression? I find people who post here incredibly compassionate and eager to help. If you are reading that as annoyance, I wonder why.
I have noticed that you want to make it clear that, first, you don't believe anything you could do would improve your M, and second, that your SSM status is entirely your W's responsibility and you have not contributed to it in any way (except through having naive expectations when you married). If anyone does get frustrated, I would think it would be by that kind of victim mentality.
