1st, part of GAL is doing something different; it involves "change." You indicate that you are doing all kinds of GAL activities. You may be doing activities, but certainly there are challenges that you haven't yet taken up that would involve "change" that would make you a better person.
Speaking of being a better person, having an affair, or "non-criminal mistresses (plural however it is spelled) isn't really making one a better person. I seriously hope you were joking about the arrangement of multiple wives appealing to you, as you seem to have your hands full with one wife.
I find Schnarch's PM where he talks about marriage as being one of the hardest things one can do, as it stetches your inner self beyond its comfort zone to be right on target.
If you read some of MWD's articles on coping with affairs, that really adds a complicating factor to reconciliation of a marriage.
Don't get me wrong, I can understand an affair and why one might contemplate such a thing, but part of a real GAL program is bettering yourself and that can be physically, spiritually, and intellectually.
Having an affair, IMO, doesn't really make anything better. In fact it might be a subconscious method of sabatoging a marriage.
When I was contemplating possibly divorcing my wife, in addition to promising myself that I would be in a loving relationship by a certain date, I also promised myself that I would would not date or have a relationship until well after a divorce was finalized. From what I have learned about relationships, and the grieving process one really does need to take some time to get over things before one gives one's heart free reign.
As to 25yearsmlc, I think she was brave in looking herself in the mirror and recognizing she was on a slippery slope headed toward an affair, but figured out how to do other things and avoid having an affair. She was also brave for sharing what she said and walking the talk on her marriage.
Ssmguy, I would like to go back to something that 25yearsmlc asked you a few pages back and that is that you probably need to really dig deeper to find out what is at the root of your wife's problems.
If you have given up, that I understand. I might be wrong, but when I compare your responses to those of the Captain's you don't seem like you have fully accepted and come to peace with your position on your ssm situation and honoring your status as a married man.
Good luck
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
