Wow, she is really lovin' some drama right now, isn't she?
Sorry about your weekend...how exhausting for you. I personally think she's making a lot bigger deal out of your daughter's reaction to overhearing you than what actually happened. Kids tend to move on from things pretty quickly. While what you did was wrong (even if your wife was being exactly what you called her, it was wrong to say that, especially in front of your daughter), it's not like you physically assaulted your wife or participated in an out of control screaming war with her. It was a little slip up, and nothing I think your daughter is dwelling on. You apologized, said it was wrong and won't do it again...don't spend any more time on it.
And the ups and downs with before dinner, during dinner and then after dinner...that rollercoaster makes me nauseated! I think this time, when she comes back wanting to make nice again and have a beer or go on a date or WHATEVER (because she will), you need to enforce some boundaries with her. I used to pull some drama (not as extreme, but still some drama) with my husband, and eventually he made it clear to me he wasn't putting up with that anymore. He made me sweat it out a few times by not just jumping right back into things like all was well. Make her sweat it out, too.
The FB thing is just silly. She was just trying to get a rise out of you. Don't ever mention it to her. I gave up FB when my husband and I separated in July (he has never been on FB and actually hated me being on), and I must say, what a RELIEF being away from all that drama.
Stay with no contact (other than absolutely necessary), detaching, working on goals. Stay strong; you are doing great, but she's really making things difficult for you!
