...ANYHOW-Though YAH made it to the other side in his m, successfully, he did so with an ultimatum he was willing to fulfill. He meant what he said.
it does not sound as if you are ready to give your w an ultimatum [i]and I understand that.
...And let us know how we can help.
Captain/ssmguy. (thanks 25)
I know that the Captain and I have shared viewpoint over a long time and he really helped me a lot when I was really down in my SSM.
I guess I also needed to share that my SSM was a little different in that my wife was emotionally hurting me to the point that I (as the HD guy) just got fed up with the emotional pain of sexual rejection the way she did it.
That stared me down a path of self improvement and discovery. I was probably on "most valued customer" lists at both Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.com based on all the relationship books I purchased and read. They include MWD's SSM and ranged to self hypnosis, self-visualization affirmation tapes. I did those in addition to getting in shape and loosing weight.
I did (after I worked hard and doing some MWD 180's and making GAL changes) make a promise to myself that I would be in a loving relationship or I would divorce my wife of 38 years. That was a hard decision, but it was done after I had figured out how to make my wife feel emotionally loved in her languages of love (acts of service and quality time) and after she would not respond to any of my 180's. Ultimately she was curious at some of the books I was reading and ultimately she agreed to counseling.
She ultimately understood that her refusal to have sex was an act of sabotage to the marriage relationship, and one that she knew should result in our getting a divorce. She knew if but it was hard for her to stop doing that even though she didn't want a divorce. Our sex therapist was good at making her confront what she knew deep down inside.
I really do feel that she lost respect for me, for our marriage and that anger was what she focused on. Ultimately she realized that she had to let go of that anger. That is when our relationship improved.
A positive outlook and visualizing what you want from a happy marriage is important. Even if it means you might have to change you wife to get it.
If either Ssmguy or the Captain comes to that point, then you will be ready for change and wherever it takes you. However, at that point your spouse will be in control of whether they change enough to keep the marriage going.
I honestly didn't expect to celibrate a 39th or a 40th wedding aniversary, but we did and I think that there is a good chance that we will celebrate a 50th, but only time will tell.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
