It just seems to me it would be awkward if your W came along. If anything, you can gear your conversation around what your are doing for yourself and your D in this situation. (Don't tell them about DB'ing, of course) Show them how you're extracting the lemonade from the lemons, how you're standing strong in this mess. You'll probably find you will get their support, and heck - you may even inspire them.
Originally Posted By: NXTSadDad
Have a four way with onion for me this weekend, followed by some Graeters.
Sounds good. Someone's feeling good and hungry. Or do I want some LaRosa's pizza? Or maybe a sub from Penn Station? Or should I just go Krogering?
NTX, can't say for sure if that's what your W is experiencing, but her 'symptoms' can definitely be from sudden withdrawal from a AD.
Been there, done that years ago- for me, it caused severe mood swings and I was aware that what I was saying/doing wasn't normal/rational. Its like watching yourself go out of control and feeling powerless to do anything about it. I was able to recognize what happening as withdrawal, so I went to the doc myself and got it back under control.
My doc at the time said it can be very dangerous to go cold turkey on ADs, and it can even drive some to suicide. I'm not trying to scare you, and it might not be what her issue is. I only speak from my own experience.
All that being said, I would not recommend mentioning that to her. She's either going to figure that out for herself or hopefully someone else can be the messenger. You do not want to be the messenger, trust me.
She is all over the map, total WAS symptoms, and, as you mentioned, she may be suffering some serious withdrawal symptoms from quitting her meds cold turkey (I quit Ambien cold turkey this past summer after bomb #3, and dang...it was BAD). Quit trying to rationalize with a person who doesn't live in reality. When she starts lashing out at you in person or via text/email, you need to walk away, turn your phone off, etc. What good does it do you to keep going at it with her? (Answer: none!). Truth is...your closing text to her seriously stunk, NTX! I know you know those things you wrote may very well be true, but you don't need to be the one telling her that. Instead, you just say, "I'm sorry this upset you. I arranged for us to go out together because I thought it would be enjoyable for all of us." Then leave it at that.
Look, I know I'm the pot calling the kettle black, as I've made the worst mistakes of all by failing to keep my mouth shut. There's no judgment here from me; I'm just trying to give you a woman's perspective on this.
Tomorrow is a new day. Don't give up yet. Just invest in some duct tape to put over your mouth as needed (I can loan you my roll ). Let her cool down, continue to enforce boundaries, work toward your goals and GAL.
Well the weekend was an EPIC failure. On Friday the W had been bickering via text that she wasn't happy about me going out with her friend's husband and her friend.
About an hour before dinner time her and my D showed up at the house. She sat on the couch and wouldn't even look at me. Her face was red and I could tell she was very irritated. Finally after about 15 minutes she started asking me why I was doing this. I told her I didn't know what she was talking about and she started calling me four letter words without actually saying the words (I was able to lip read). I couldn't help but smile because she was being ridiculously immature.
Finally she leaped up and got right into my face and asked me out loud why I was an [censored]. I tried to calmly tell her that she needs to cool it and that something is wrong with her because of her rage. She said she only gets that way with me because she hates my guts. I then told her she's done it to my D as well, to which she denied. My D walked into the room and said "uh yes Mommy, that's true".
My W then asked me to step outside and we talked for a couple of minutes. I went back inside to get a drink and she followed me in and got into my face again. I asked her if she was going to hit me and she said she'd never do that again but that she was extremely angry. She then started whispering and calling me all sorts of four letter words again. I finally lost it and called her the "B" word.
UNFORTUNATELY our D witnessed the last 10 seconds and hear me say that.
I pulled her to the side a few minutes later and explained to her that it was totally unacceptable and that I apologized to her mom, and that she should NEVER let a man do that to her.
Anyway we cooled off and went to the dinner. The W sat at one end of the table with the ladies, and I sat at the other end with the husband. We all had a nice time. Oddly, I could hear my W at the other end occasionally talking positively about me, even kind of bragging once. I couldn't believe the turn around.
We went home and her and my D got into the W's car and left. I never really heard back from them all weekend, except for a picture of my D at a sporting even that they went to.
Sunday I was completely alone the entire day and the sadness about our divorce and loneliness finally started kicking in. Mid morning my W texted me out of the blue to tell me about her returning a broken product and fortunately there was two day left on the warranty, so they replaced it for free. I wasn't sure why she would bother to tell me about something trivial unless she was thinking of me.
I posted on my FB later in the day about trying out a new recipe on the grill. She posted a comment asking me what I was making. I assumed she might be interested in coming over to eat, so I texted her directly and told her what I made and invited her and my D over.
She replied and thanked me and said she felt it was best we don't see each other anymore because of the fight on Friday. She also said my D was hurt by the name I called my W and that my D didn't want to see me.
I was crushed! I don't if the W just said that to hurt my feelings, or if she's been talking to my D about what happened and framing me in a bad light.
I think my therapist was right last week. I think I have been taking the D and separation well because frankly we were "dating" and having good times, and I guess a small part of me felt that there still may be a chance. Now that we've had that fight, and that my daughter may have been disappointed, and that my W says she thinks we should stay apart, the pain of the sitch is starting to kick in.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
My W hid her martial status on Facebook today. Of course I know we are heading towards D and we had the ugly fight on Friday.... but it still hurts.
Another sign that the therapist was right and that I've been in denial, or at least hopeful it could still work out.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Well I haven't felt sad or lonely since she moved out and I couldn't figure out why. Heck, I even enjoyed the alone time that I had.
The therapist pointed out to me that since my W and I were still seeing each other 2-3 times a week, that the D didn't feel real to me yet.
She felt there was a part of me felt there was a chance we'd reconcile even though it seemed pretty unlikely.
After the argument Friday, virtually no contact this weekend, and now the Facebook status change, I am finally having the feelings of loneliness and sadness.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Wow, she is really lovin' some drama right now, isn't she?
Sorry about your weekend...how exhausting for you. I personally think she's making a lot bigger deal out of your daughter's reaction to overhearing you than what actually happened. Kids tend to move on from things pretty quickly. While what you did was wrong (even if your wife was being exactly what you called her, it was wrong to say that, especially in front of your daughter), it's not like you physically assaulted your wife or participated in an out of control screaming war with her. It was a little slip up, and nothing I think your daughter is dwelling on. You apologized, said it was wrong and won't do it again...don't spend any more time on it.
And the ups and downs with before dinner, during dinner and then after dinner...that rollercoaster makes me nauseated! I think this time, when she comes back wanting to make nice again and have a beer or go on a date or WHATEVER (because she will), you need to enforce some boundaries with her. I used to pull some drama (not as extreme, but still some drama) with my husband, and eventually he made it clear to me he wasn't putting up with that anymore. He made me sweat it out a few times by not just jumping right back into things like all was well. Make her sweat it out, too.
The FB thing is just silly. She was just trying to get a rise out of you. Don't ever mention it to her. I gave up FB when my husband and I separated in July (he has never been on FB and actually hated me being on), and I must say, what a RELIEF being away from all that drama.
Stay with no contact (other than absolutely necessary), detaching, working on goals. Stay strong; you are doing great, but she's really making things difficult for you!
We all process our emotions at the pace we are comfortable with. Even though it feels forced, sometimes (like a status change in FB or legal documents or comments)...
If you really were in denial (in a literal form of the psych pattern), you really would not feel the sorry nor actually be able to feel the sorry, because you truly would be living in a fantasy and most likely would not even consciously notice the FB status change or comments, etc...
In my darkest days, I still have hope... But from day one, I knew the reality and the very real potential that my M will end... but I hope... and I DB... and I look for signs of positive change in my W... and they don't come... and I am the one who will probably file D, once I legally can and mediation is done...
I don't think anyone here is anything close to being in denial... otherwise, we would not be here because we would think there's nothing to work on... THAT is DENIAL...
Process your emotions as and when you can. If you aren't ready to process the sadness, the pain, the anger, and yes... even the happiness and relief of the unfolding "event"... then no problem... when you are ready, you will process them...
Someone's feeling good and hungry. Or do I want some LaRosa's pizza? Or maybe a sub from Penn Station? Or should I just go Krogering? 
). Let her cool down, continue to enforce boundaries, work toward your goals and GAL. 
