Porn and women from the internet sex sites HELP!!

[Accuray]

Yes, that is a consistent theme of many relationship books you'll read including DB & DR: change your marriage by changing yourself. This is to say that if you approach your spouse in a loving, positive way, eventually that will be returned, because it's hard to be mean to someone who is consistently nice to you.

Add to that "The 5 Love Languages" and learn that not only do you have to approach your spouse in a loving, positive way, you need to do it using the primary love language that fills up their love tank. Choose the wrong approach, and while your actions may be appreciated, they won't be as effective.

All of this is hard and painful because to your point, *your* love tank is empty, you're the one who has been wronged here, you need your love language spoken, etc. The relationship books say you can't demand this, you have to "do the work" if you deem that it's worthwhile based on how *you* feel about the marriage, and eventually your spouse will reciprocate.

All that said, in your case you definitely need to have the sex conversation -- what is it that he's chasing and why? Is that something you're interested in providing or not?