Things have been truly great. The last 2 months have been about rediscovering each other and we are definitely stronger for it......
...I later asked her why she was so mad, she replied that she hated when I was so needy, that all I want is sex, and that she feels worthless, because I don't want her I want sex.
...My only worry is that she may start feeling like she needs outside validation again. I'm not sure how to meet that at this point.
....All I know is that if I push for sex while she feels inadequate she feels like i dont want her, just sex. This repulsed her, and pushes me back to where we were six months ago.
So laying off, and reshifting my efforts. On the other hand its kinda good to know that this has turned into a ssm issue, not a WAS or MLC. In a weird way it's progress, and maybe just maybe, piecing. I have been superstitious and don't want to jinx it but we may be at a point where we both love each other and want to stay together. We may just need to figure out how to meet each others needs.
OK a few thoughts.
One of the things I have learned is that my wife needs a lot more rest than I do and that when she is tired she is often "not in the moode for sex."
At those times, when I "need" sex and she is not in the mood, GAL really helps and giving her space. However, I have to be extremely careful in how I give her space as ofter she feels I am "emotionally withdrawing from her." So for me it is a fine line of providing her with unconditional love when she is tired and not in the mood and being "underfoot and pawing at her."
What I have to remind myself is that is a lot better situation than being in an SSM where we didn't have sex for months. In these situations, if I acknowledge that she needs her rest and work with her on some ways so she can get the rest she needs, she usually appreciates my. This is not my trying to create a sex contract with her, but realizing that she needs something she isn't getting and that I may be able to help her in getting what she needs.
Sexual rejection hurts anytime and everytime. But life isn't always easy and we need to roll with the punches. Your GAL and male support system is critical to rolling with the punches.
Stay focuced on the positive aspects of your relationship with your wife. Yes things have improved, you deserve for them to be even better and that too will happen. You are making progress. However, you have scars (as do I) from the past and when the rollercoaster dips, that causes fear about where your relationship is headed. It is at those times that you need your GAL to find your inner strength and happiness.
Again, visualize and verbalize with your wife what a happy marriage is and work toward that. It will take time, but you are making progress. Your understanding of the dynamic between you and your wife is so much greater now than a few months ago.
Good luck
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
