Wow, some really great posts here people! Thank you!!
It's really helpful to hear from those of you who've been on the other side of this, how you dealt with it.
And for those of you whose S's don't seem remorseful...it's probably denial or rationaliztion or one of those other ego defenses I spoke of earlier...it's SO painful to face these things in the cold light of day and take responsibility...sometimes the person just can't handle it yet...CJ was there for quite a while...actinge MEANER than he ever had before, even!
KAW, I think you're right about my forgiveness being vital to CJ's...but from his statements, he doesn't feel that way at all!
And as for CJ's easing off the computer...I'd LIKE to think it was to have a better balance with US...but it occurred right about when he found out he didn't get the job he had so hoped for. And he'd gotten a few extensions on the school work. Seems to me he just lost some of his drive for it...Although I THINK his actual course work might be finished...the applied project to go.
You know, KAW I wondered about the impact of this on the intimacy thing...not sure but it be playing a role.
Quote: His lack of self-worth was also behind his devotion to his on-line courses as well, and thereby putting more the focus on working on him before working at the emotional bonds towards you.
Gee and I took it as drive and perhaps selfishness...good POV, KAW.
Quote: By showing that unconditional love to him every day, you are telling him you forgive him every one of those days and that he does deserve it ... as well as you too. So no more mentioning of bastards, SOB's or pricks (unless you're just plain talking dirty ... if you're into that sort of thing?!)
Ha ha! I love it! "Spank me you SOB! "
Actually, KAW I almost think it was providence that brought that word to my lips that night. CJ and I are NOT ones to name call (if you don't count my one charge of calling him an idiot ).
Well I wish I felt better physically today...now it seems my gastro system (lower) is acting up...I know it's been a bad night when I wake up with my brow furrows etched deeply between my brows.
A good night's sleep generally fades those away.
But it's better right now, so I'll forge ahead and I'm sure we'll have a grand time.
Hope the New Year brings us ALL closer to our goals!
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