one month later

[brianw17]

Hey everyone, My wife left me a month ago and was sort of lost, after reading as many books that I could, I believe she was a walk out wife. She refuses to talk to me, her friends, I have since stopped communication with her at her request.

We were married at 27, now we are 31 no kids, but were were trying for the last year.

I have done a lot of sole searching and can see the problems in myself that she didn't like, I would be short with her, critical of her, and protective of her. I am working on changing myself to be the better person she needs me to be.

She asked for space and time, which I am giving to her. She has not filed paperwork, or seen an attorney.

No one thinks there is another guy, because shes staying with her parents, and well for a lot of reasons.


She has not come to any of the therapy sessions I have set up, however she did set her own sessions with the same therapist, the therapist only agreed to see her if she would be acting as a marriage therapist seeing us sepratly for a few sessions.

This also seems to be a hasty decision on her part, she left on a tuesday, and on saturday we were both in a friends wedding (she ask that I not go), a week before she left she had her cervix dialated (seemed very painful) so we could have a better shot of having kids. She was supposed to start clomid this week.
I sort of have to imagine that if she was aware she was walking out on me she wouldn't have gone through a painful procedure and done it after that wedding.

I have began eating like I did when I was fitness freak (tuna and chicken, and veggies 5 times a day) and I have dropped 15 lbs.
Joined a gym because I don't want to lift in my empty house.
Applied and Started coaching youth hockey.
Bought new clothing
and began building for Habitat for Humanity.

I have made some screw-ups, like moving money into a personal account the day after she left, on the advice of my friends who are attorneys. She emailed me two weeks ago stating that she needed time to "consider our marriage" which isn't what she said when was walking out on me. And I tried to explain that I moved money because she said she wanted a divorce and I was scared and hurt. Hopefully she can get over that, because I can get over the fact that she walked out on me.

I am having little to no contact with her. I told her that the ball is in her court and that I am not going to write to her anymore.

She said that she doesn't want to talk to be because I am too good of a talker and she wants to make her own decision.

The therapist believes I should continue the no contact idea to giver her power over this situation. Because I am the type A of our relationship.

The therapist and I agree that she is acting very strange and juvenile and is perhaps having a mental breakdown or an early MLC. I believe I have addressed all of the problems in our M, and taken ownership of my problems in the M. The therapist is concerned that W seems not to be able to see her actions of leaving me, not communicating with me, telling friends, empathizing with my situation, and telling family about this situation - as a problem. Nor is W indicating any of her faults in our M.

W asked the therapist "why doesn't brian trust me" (regarding the changing of Locks, on the advice of counsel, which were changed back) to which the T said, "well you left him. You know where he is, he is at work or at home, taking care of both of your responsibilities. He doesn't know where you are, or what you are doing. Why would he trust you?"

It has now been 1 month, What should I do?