Hi there Shiny,
Last nite I printed off your new post to read overnite. So this morning I was ready to post only to see the size of your thread had doubled! ... well I after some more reading, what I hasd to start off with still holds ...

Very appropriate to call you're thread ... Still Shining ... and ever brighter might I add!

Luv the fact CJ wrote that letter as a Christmas gift and my take is your acceptance of that letter as a true gift in your eyes will help CJ in rebuilding how he sees himself. I look at the letter as being as an admittance of how he casuse you so much hurt and pain and as formal request for forgiveness from you for what he has done ... for he will not be able to forgive himself until he know you have forgiven him ... if Shiny called me a prick, I still must be one ... so how can she forgive me or I forgive myself now?

... and I can see how this all underlies beneath the intimacy issues with CJ too. How can he be comfortable being close to you in that way, when he feels like a "prick" for the hurt he has caused? He doesn't feel he is deserving of your love.

... but the best part is that he is facing his guilt, so now he can work past it. Like Rach said about Adrian, I believe CAW has yet to face any remorse for her actions. Yea, sometimes she scratches the surface like a couple of weeks ago when she simply stated, "I know I'm a pain. Thank you for loving me.", but she will need to dwelve much deeper to reach where CJ is at.

... and in order to have the WAS 100% emotionally recomitted to R, they need to process that guilt to the point where they just don't bury it, but can live with it.

His lack of self-worth was also behind his devotion to his on-line courses as well, and thereby putting more the focus on working on him before working at the emotional bonds towards you. Altho there were some rough spots your overall support and encouragement won over how you preceive him as a better person and he no longer feels he has to rely only on himself to prove he can be a better person. By showing that unconditional love to him every day, you are telling him you forgive him every one of those days and that he does deserve it ... as well as you too. So no more mentioning of bastards, SOB's or pricks (unless you're just plain talking dirty ... if you're into that sort of thing?!) Place more determination into giving unconditional love by being supportive, encouraging and by validating to show your forgiveness of him and hopefully will help in his healing from his guilt to where he starts putting more of his focus on you as a couple rather than himself. It seems like you are already heading in that direction. Less time being spent on the computer, etc... bringing into more moderation the attention he was focusing on himself and now there is more time being spent together.

Sorry if this started to become disjoint towards the end. Took longer than I expected and not getting interfered with.
So I'll go for now...with wishing that the new year will bring even more moderation to the extremes you found yourself dealing with in 2003.

'til later,
KAW

P.S. ... and I do appreciate your plea for me to start a new thread, but I've come to believe the only thing that will help me conquer my demons is time! Time in the measure of months to a year to see if the cycles are truely being broken so I can receive the true answer to the question titled in my last thread. No worries tho ... I'm very OK with waiting and I don't know what useful purpose filling a thread in the meantime would be ... it would be more of the same as the last three threads . I pretty much feel like Andy does in that there isn't much else to do now but wait it out ... but I promise as soon as I see signs that the cycle is broken for good! ... you folks here will be the first to know.