Treading water - time and patience

[NYCPeter]

I have - but there is no evidence of OM.
I know none of us believe their spouse could possibly be involved with another, but I've looked very hard.
The phone is in her name so I can't check to see who she calls / texts. She swears there is no-one else (as I'm sure all WAW's imitially do).
She does come home late after work sometimes - but says she is hanging out with work friends (she finishes work around 1:00 and gets home around 4:00).
Short of hiring a PI - I'm not sure there is much else I can do.
In some respects I wish there was OM - I would know what I was up against.

[NYCPeter]

Just called home to talk to D's and hear about their day.
Told W I would call her tonight after girls are put to discuss short-term plans.

Any thoughts on what I am going to say below?

1. Walking out yesterday was childish and I was wrong, to hear some things said on your anniversary is not a pleasant experience, but I should have risen above it and my primary responsibility is as a parent and I should be there for our girls regardless of the situation.

2. I will stop by the house on Tuesday night to see the girls and pick up some things.

3. I will be returning home on Friday - hopefully that will have given us both some breathing room to think things over a little.

4. I will not be moving out of the house - It's not in my or the girls best interests, we can't afford to maintain two places to live and I want to see as much of the girls as possible.

[Telemark]

Just called home to talk to D's and hear about their day.
Told W I would call her tonight after girls are put to discuss short-term plans.

Any thoughts on what I am going to say below?

1. Walking out yesterday was childish and I was wrong, to hear some things said on your anniversary is not a pleasant experience, but I should have risen above it and my primary responsibility is as a parent and I should be there for our girls regardless of the situation.

2. I will stop by the house on Tuesday night to see the girls and pick up some things.

3. I will be returning home on Friday - hopefully that will have given us both some breathing room to think things over a little.

4. I will not be moving out of the house - It's not in my or the girls best interests, we can't afford to maintain two places to live and I want to see as much of the girls as possible.

But that's just my opinion...

[~¤DG¤~]

I agree with Telemark.

[NYCPeter]

Well W called me as she had time to speak while MIL looked after the girls. It was a brief conversation -

M - So how are the girls.
W - Good, we went to a local street fair with friend (her friend who is a divorcee and hangs out with my W late at night).
M - Can I speak to the girls
W - They are out at the playground with my M
M - So I'm going to come around on Tuesday afternoon to see the girls and pick up some stuff
W - That's fine
M - I am coming home on Friday
W - I'm not sure that's a good idea, we should see what it's like to spend time apart.
M - I want to return home on Friday - where I am staying is only viable short-term.
W - Well lets talk about it on Tuesday
M - See you then
W - Bye

Seems like she wants to stick to a period of seperation, I will not bend on this one. I made a rash move leaving yesterday and regret it now, I won't move out permenantly.

[NYCPeter]

Journaling - second night away from home.
Must have had a total of 2hrs sleep the last couple of nights. I kept waking up thinking I was at home in our bed.
Can't wait to see my girls (and if I am honest) my W tomorrow night. I am sure my W will ask how I am doing - I will try to be upbeat and positive and re-enforce that I will be coming home on Friday. I will say that being away from them only re-enforced that I want to be at home.
Re: Sleeping in the same bed - I will not mention it and just sleep in our bed, I will be surprised if she joined me when she gets home from work and will likely want to talk about it the next day.

[Telemark]

Stay the course, NYCPeter. I still would not say anything to your W about what you want; she doesn't care at this point. State the facts, move back into your house and bed and let her inconvenience herself. She will probably get very angry at you and threaten you with anything, legal or otherwise. If you haven't already done so, it might be time to get some legal advice as to what your rights and limitations are.

I still think there is an OM involved, sorry to say.

[NYCPeter]

There may well be OM - and I would like to know if that's the case so I can at least determine the best course of action and approach. As she has flat-out denied this and there is no proof I am not sure what else I can do.

[OmegaZed]

I second TM's advice.

The absolute best thing you can do is show you are still in support of the marriage. Stay home, sleep in your bed, be there for your children. If your W wants out, let her do it herself. You're in support of your marriage and your children and your family, so stick to it whether she wants in or not.

Best of luck sir!

[Telemark]

"As she has flat-out denied this and there is no proof I am not sure what else I can do."

My W flat-out denied her relationship with the OM, right up to and including the time he moved in with her.

Believe nothing she says. If she says the sky is blue, go outside to verify.