Also, I just wanted to point out that I did more than just get my own life together. I also had to clean up the mess Ex-P left. I found out he hadn't been paying utility bills for the two months before he left. He let our homeowners insurance lapse. I had to get things switched over into my name just to keep the lights on.
I had to get the house ready for market myself and meet with the realtor and sign all of the contracts myself.
I had to find and pay someone to maintain the exterior in my absence because I had to move for my new job. I have to find someone to winterize it.
So, his legitimate complaint upon leaving was that he always had to be the 'responsible' one...but when he left, he left without a shred of responsibility. He just vanished and started a new life.
The last and ONLY thing I want from him is RESPECT. He left me with nothing except a stack of bills and still, I imagine in his mind, he thinks I am not worthy of respect.
He literally told me: "I've never respected or valued you." I'm sure he still doesn't.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Also, I just wanted to point out that I did more than just get my own life together. I also had to clean up the mess Ex-P left. I found out he hadn't been paying utility bills for the two months before he left. He let our homeowners insurance lapse. I had to get things switched over into my name just to keep the lights on. I had to get the house ready for market myself and meet with the realtor and sign all of the contracts myself. what would have happened if you had not done these things and simply left it so you could move on to your new place? it was HIS name on the utilities, etc...just curious about what you HAD to do and what you chose to do?
But make no mistake...
you have grown more and faster than some women EVER do...
I KNOW you will be fine. I just wish I could fast forward for you.
I had to find and pay someone to maintain the exterior in my absence because I had to move for my new job. I have to find someone to winterize it.
So, his legitimate complaint upon leaving was that he always had to be the 'responsible' one...but when he left, he left without a shred of responsibility. He just vanished and started a new life. The last and ONLY thing I want from him is RESPECT. He left me with nothing except a stack of bills and still, I imagine in his mind, he thinks I am not worthy of respect. he's not in a position to give you respect. You earn it and give it to yourself. The rest will follow.
And what if you cured cancer and "he still didn't give you respect"?
Would that mean anything about YOU? No...it would not.
He literally told me: "I've never respected or valued you." I'm sure he still doesn't.
OMG the nerve....And so, let him stay in his "disrespecting" sandbox with the cat poop or justifications,
and you stay in your clean sandbox of your life, which does NOT care about HIM or OW or the kid of their house or his fragile ego and her manipulative workings...and (God help that boy)
but focus on YOUR LIFE b/c it's going to be good one. You have to be open to it.
God does have a plan for you and something right around the corner is coming.
And dont' be so hard on those guys you meet. They have hearts too, and many of them have been deeply wounded.
You are behind the curve with dating (they might be too!)
so understand that some of your fears might be from lacking a healthy R with a man or your confidence levels just getting up...which is not their fault.
But be careful with your heart too.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
That's a good point, but I feel like I have a lot to prove. I guess I just want his approval. Never had it, never will.
I guess you always want what you can't have.
And seriously, I don't like the men out there. I won't be having any man in my life. I don't look at men the same anymore. I tell God all the time, if there is a man for me, you better surround him with rainbows and blue birds and fluffy bunnies because otherwise, I will not be taking notice.
I guess this is it for me. I'm thinking of getting twelve to twenty cats.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
And seriously, I don't like the men out there. I won't be having any man in my life. I don't look at men the same anymore. I tell God all the time, if there is a man for me, you better surround him with rainbows and blue birds and fluffy bunnies because otherwise, I will not be taking notice.
This the perfect attitude to have right now! This is a time for you to spend getting to know yourself and defining Aa35 as a 35 year old woman who is just beginning the life you were meant to have.
Be thankful you get this chance at 35 and not 50 or 55. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can do anything you want with it.
I know it doesn't feel like that right now. It doesn't for me all the time either, but I do have glimpses of what a happy life can be... more so all the time.
These damaged men we chose to give our love too abused that love, but we allowed them to.
btw, I always tell God that if He wants me to be with someone He is going to have to drop this man right in front of me where I will literally have to trip over him.
Hugs to you
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I think you have to buy a ticket before you can ask God to win the lottery.
But for now Alone, dating any man would be very risky to you. I get that.
But get well and have hope/faith.
Don't test God or make him move mountains b/c you got your heart broken...
let HIM heal you instead.
And don't get that many cats please...people like ME (I like cats but...)
I am allergic to them. My sister has 3 so I sleep in her basement when I visit AND take medication.
But there is hair everywhere...and she seems like a wacky cat lady.
just saying...
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
right on 25 (as always). As much as I want to get about oh, 25 doggies....(not a cat lady myself) I reign myself in and decide to wait.... before....buying another dog.
Alone, I'm SO sorry you are going through all this. Heal inside. The worst thing any of us LBS who are going through this rollercoaster and self-esteem dip could do is get into another R before we are ok being truly alone. I know that's my biggest challenge.... i know I can be alone -- but right now I'm so caught up in trying to save the M I won't let myself think truly about it....
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
