PLEASE!!! Need help quick! Calling all vets!

[tadpole1025]

Thank you Seeking, Snodderly and AJ. I feel really bad tonight. I will explain further below in my update.

Can I ask why you fear making her angry? You're facing the worst that she can do. Remember that she will portray herself as the victim throughout. What she perceives is her reality.

I guess that I just don't want to give her any more ammunition. I hate it when she spews, but you are right, everything is my fault.

A divorce decree doesn't necessarily mean it is the end of the world for you and your wife. She needs that piece of paper to feel "free" once again. I know you do not want a divorce, but if it happens, please understand there is always, always the possibility of reconciling down the road, but it will take a very long time for that to happen, if it happens.

Yes Snodderly, but it is always something that we told ourselves.....we would be together forever and a D just doesn't seem right. Especially that when just over a year ago we were planning on renewing our vows. The wedding dress was already purchased.

Fear is the thing you need to overcome in my opinion. Your fear seems to be causing you more pain than anything else you or anyone could ever do.

I suppose you are right. I fear the D, I fear her being happier with someone else, I fear not being in her life, I fear her not being in mine, I fear that my marriage will become another statistic, I fear that it will just become a memory......

Now the update.....

I was supposed to pick up S16 from her house today, but I had a dead battery in the car and couldn't get it fixed until later this evening. I sent a text:

M: Is there any way you can bring S16 to my house? I've got a dead battery and can't get it fixed until later this evening.

W: Sure. Call me please.

I called her and told her that I appreciated it. We talked for quite a while. She asked what I did this weekend and she told me what she did. She was her normal self again......ug!

So, when she got to my house with S16, S18 and his GF were pulling out of the driveway. They didn't even stop and say hello to her. W would have like to have said hello, but that didn't happen. She even said, "wow, they could have waited to leave. I would have liked to talk for a little bit." I agreed with her and told her that it would have been nice. I could tell that she was hurt by it. She got in her car and left.

About an hour later, I send another text:

M: I wanted to apologize for you missing S18 tonight.

W: It was hurtful and cold. I give up.

M: I know and I'm sorry.

She did not respond.

I feel terrible. I hurt for her even though I probably shouldn't because of the pain she has put me through. I love her dearly and hate to see her hurting. I know that this is a choice that she made, but damn it, I don't like to see her hurting. Maybe I'm just too sensitive? I still love this woman more than anything.

It also still bothers me that she has seemed "normal" the last few times that I have seen her. I know....she is FAR from normal right now.

Thanks for all of the help.

Tad