Do I stay or do I go?

[anyhope]

Thanks for the quick response. Thing with the party is that right now I don't feel like I'd be strong enough. It's a big one for him and for one reason or another I know he really wants me to come and part of me wants to be there, but I know I will start crying at some point unless during the week he's gone (he gets back just on time to make it to his own party) I gain some strength back.

I was pretty stressed out over finding an apartment. I never would have though it would be so hard with a dog, but after seeing this place today I feel much better about that. It's attcually right next door to where my mom lives and right across from a huge park so I can just take my dog there. He'll love it.

I know about the STD's wasnt too drunk to think about that so he did have condoms on him and we used it for the first time.

Btw I think I forgot to mention that while he keeps saying how he wants nothing serious from ow, the topic of having children was discussed and she (22) said she'll have a baby with him. Now I really really hope this was a joke. Even if my marriage fails I pray to God he has kids with a sane woman.. Basically he said he's at the point where he no longer cares who the mother is it's time for him to have kids.

I still stand by what I've been telling him all along, that whatever his age he is immature to be a dad. Or maybe not even that but not dad material. He is not family oriented at all. His main thing in life is to be with friends and have a good time, so whatever happens I'm glad that we don't have any kids yet, I'm just hoping he won't have any with her.

Thanks for the chocolate suggestion :)) I could use some right now I think..

[aeolianchaos]

Anyhope:

I think that only you can make the decision as to what would be the best choice for you.

Given the status of things, are you sure that going wouldn't be perceived as 'clinging'?

Or would not going be seen as 'more of the same'?

I'm not sure how useful it is to be discussing raising kids as he's breaking apart his family, but that said: is it possible that your stance of telling him he is too immature or focused on 'good times' is only speaking to what is worst in him?

It could be that the part of him that wants to have a family is a part that really wants to be responsible and achieve a healthier balance in his life. He may be feeling his age and getting anxious about some plans that he has in mind but hasn't moved forward on. Not to suggest you should be considering having his baby anytime soon (in fact I'd suggest that option be taken off the table for the time being) but perhaps there are things about what he is trying to convey to you that in your response he feels very invalidated.

Enjoy your chocolate!

[anyhope]

Well he is gone.. Just left for the week. I did start crying and told him I hope she gets eaten by a bear while camping.. The good part is that I have the week to myself. He even asked me earlier to drive him to the airport, but he was smart and had a backup ride as there is no way in hell I'd make a step to bring him closer to her.. I don't know what he's thinking when he suggests things like that. Does he really see me only as a friend? Would he drive me if I went to see some other guy? Or is he just really off in the head?

[aeolianchaos]

Does he really see me only as a friend?

Is this how he believes friends should treat each other?

Would he drive me if I went to see some other guy?

What do you think?

Suppose the answer is "yes." But also suppose that he was having the same subjective experience you are having. But somehow this lines up with his sense of right/wrong or integrity. How would you feel about that?

Or is he just really off in the head?

Probably not clinical or neurological (although I've often wondered if perhaps my WAW didn't need a cat scan). Coping mechanisms are powerful things and when people wrap themselves up in them.. they do some pretty wild stuff.

[anyhope]

He'll be home tomorrow, not sure if he'll come home after his bday party or during the day on Sunday.
He called on Tuesday and I did not pick up, so he called a few times, both my cell and the home phone before he called my brother and asked him to call me (about all work related stuff) after I spoke to my brother he tried calling again and sent a text which were again unreturned.

The next day he called me again and I picked up. He asked if I ignored him the day before on purpose, I said I did. He asked why to which I said he was not the president. ( I've been saying this to him lately refering not specifically to the president, but in general to those high powered men who cheat on their wives and then give a speech at a press conference of what happened with their spouse standing there looking strong)

So anyways, I said a quick good bye, again he asked why I wanted to hang up so quick, I said I felt like there was nothing for us to talk about. He did tell me a few stories of the trip and said he'll see me at the party. I told him again I wasn't going. He sounds sad about that and I keep wondering if he's sad because I'm not playing the friend part or sad because I'm not playing the wife on standby part.

I did get the apartment right next door to my mom which is ok I guess. Also right next to a huge park so my dog will like that a lot and set to move November 1st. I'm still stunned at how easily he let's me go, but if so he must not love me anymore (as he says) he is in love with ow however, I can tell, so can a mutual friend of ours, I wouldn't be surprised at all if she moved in shortly after I left.

We'll see how things progress.. If all goes well I'll take a vacation with some friends in November. I do need it.

[anyhope]

Well, he is home. I got to read a few heartfelt messages posted to him by ow of how shell miss him and love him and what not. This was even before he'd get home.

Once home he came home and asked me a few times to go to his birthday party. Some friends also brought up the idea, but I said I don't think I should go and no explaining needed. Everyone understands what's going on. I may have even went if it's another day not right the moment he gets home from her.

For some reason our Internet connection as well as the tv connection got disconnected on Saturday afternoon, but before he left for the party he connected my phone to his laptop as I have a data plan on my phone. Pretty dangerous combination there.. Me with his laptop all alone. I saw no point of checking his email or Facebook as they were together and most likely communicated in person, however I did decide to see pictures..

Shocking shocking.. I found naked pictures of ow in a forest they went to. As I hear from one of our friend that met her she is a very free soul.. Has no problem kissing random people at an event, multiple in one occasion, male or female doesn't matter.. Looks like she also likes to get naked in the wild, which I'm sure might be arousing and unique to a man in mlc. I was never in my life this free spirit, nor could I compete with her, nor would I want to. Just way too much.

Another few photos I found interesting was a few taken of my dog just last month when I went out for my birthday. I could tell she was there as soon as I got home from the party I went to, becasue he'll with the breakup and all I was gonna celebrate my birthday. My husband showed up at the party to really late. He said he was going to drop off ow at a lesbian party she likes to go to (she is bysexual, not sure if I mentioned this before) but even as I write this it just sounds stunning to me what is happening, who he left me for...

Well anyways, so after we celebrate my birthday I came home and he went to a mutual friends house. There was a glass on the coffee table with a weird drink dried to the glass.. Something we don't have at home.. Something I thought he wouldn't drink while home alone, I walked around and found one or two very small things that looked like they were not in the same place they're always are.. Might sound crazy but I had a deep feelng in my heart that she was there. He knew I wasn't gonna come home for a while.. I called him right away and asaked if he brought her here, of course you can all guess the answer to that one.. He said I was crazy.

So anyhow I didn't have a good feeling , but I had no proof.. Inspected the glass for lipstick marks, but there were none.

Yesterday however looking at pictures of them, of her naked and going back in time and these pictures of my dog come up marked that date when I was out, on one of the photos I see the tip of a thumb. Not a clear picture, but it doesnt look like my husbands thumb, so I got pretty pissed. Isn't this the worse of all. Bringing her to our house.. I was so glad I didn't go to the party at this point.

I feel sorry for him because I know he is kinda ruining his life. Not because he's not with me.. But there are so many other normal women out there to have a meaningful relationship with, yet, he goes for her.

He came home after the party, no need to say I was still up tossing and turning in my bed. I checked Facebook on my phone to see if any photos were posted of the party. No photos, however he did change his status to being in a relationship with her. No need to say I feel terrible about that as he had said he wants nothing from her and I thought she was just playing him, which she still might, after all she is a sorry little hooker..

Sorry for the long post here.. But it's a long story, that still breaks my heart.. I wish it was all over already.

[anyhope]

Sorry about the typos :-/

[anyhope]

Productive past 2 days, Ive purchased a sofabed ( need a spacesaver as I'll be moving to a studio) very comfy and I'm very happy with it. Confirmed a vacation for november, booked a massage for next week.. Which I just remember as I write this I'll have to rebook as I also registered for school, been busy with work and booked a photography session. That is all.. Good things

[abbey1989]

Anyhope...I like your new outlook. Keep it up! You are doing all the right things for you!

[anyhope]

Thanks Abbey, I'm glad I'm slowly getting to a better state and I'm sure all will be even better once I've moved. His new relationship.. and even him will be out of my face and I can finally focus on me for a bit for the first time in a long time.

Today.. I had to go out for a bit for work and asked H to finish off making dinner as I was really hungry. When I came back I saw his car gone, so called him to see where he went, no response he left his phone at home and pretty much did nothing as far as dinner so I got pissed as I don't take hunger well nor his laziness.. So I proceed with making dinner and wonder just where could be have gone.. Looks like he dropped everything as is and left in a hurry. I knew she had something to do with this, but what? She's on the other side of the country.. It even crossed my mind that her plane just landed and he went to pick her up, shortly he came home, looked like he had important business to take care of.. I asked him what was up and he even said he had something to take care of he'd be back shortly.. So secretive I knew it was something about her, and then began wondering that I bet any money she had asked him for money and he went out to wire it to her. The time frame he was gone seemed just about right.. As he really came back shortly and I wouldn't suggest that except when I snooped on his Facebook a while ago I saw a post from her asking for $200 to get her phone bill paid.. Now Im not sure what plan she has for $200 because I have everything on my phone and pay less than 70 a month so I thought shes ripping him off, so as he came home she called shortly after and thanked him for something.. He then went in his room and I overheard him asking her if she finds it weird that she has to smoke weed to be normal.. Now I can only guess that no she doesn't find that weird, but I wonder how long he'd tolerate a pothead who is ripping him off..