Just don't understand...

[workinghardguy]

Sandi2 is absolutely right on... being new to this world I can honestly say that is the hardest part of this. The gut-wrenching fear and constantly wondering is today the day? What happens to our family? What will my friends think?

It's the part I struggle with the most... the powerlessness of it all. You have to find a place where you can accept and work from not being afraid of loss. The last few days I've taken to having "rehearsals" with myself. Going through what the conversation might sound like if my W asks for a D. Coming up with ideas and plans. I've done budgets, researched laws, and even come up with visitation schedules. I absolutely don't want to go there... I absolutely want my family to stay together. But I also need to prove to myself that life will go on, that there is another path, and to see it for what it is.

My fear of the unknown is what drove me to spy on my W via her FB account. She found out and is still angry and hurt. We do stupid things when we're afraid. Somehow you have to find a way to manage that fear and put it aside.

And it's not the same as not caring. I do care what happens. It's more of realizing what we are powerless over and letting that go.