Haven't thrown my 2 cents in but it sounds like you are working through some stuff here.
It sounds like you are trying to reconcile what you know to be true (re: your locus of control) and the desire to make some sense out of your W's behavior.
Rather than concern yourself with her behavior/expectations - wouldn't it be more efficient and effective to ask yourself what your ideal way of handling things might be?
That way, you are doing what works for you and potentially what might help with the other stuff too.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
