Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[ssmguy]

Wow, greenblue90, a lot of what you say seems to ring true. If it's the SA, and her inability to deal with it, well, that's where I feel quite helpless and discouraged. She's been to therapy about it, and, well, it doesn't seem to have gotten our sex life to where it should be. I'm just left with the gut-wrenching realization that in the real world, not all therapy is successful, and in some cases, may never be.

Of course the real issue here is the SA. You'll never make progress unless she learns to love herself, and then by extension you. Does she masturbate? Is she comfortable with her own body, does she ever bother to dress sexy for herself? Weight and self esteem issues?

Never masturbated to O as far as I know. Some comments long ago about trying once. Yeah, no kidding, just once. Any comments that she should try, or let me try, are utterly dismissed. She simply won't allow any discussion to even begin going down that road.

Yes, she dresses sexy and asks for my opinion. But it's kind of look-but-don't touch at this point.

No weight issues, we both exercise a lot. Esteem outside of these issues seems fine.

Which brings me to my next question, how the heck can you keep the sexual issue away from the rest of your M.

Well, that is one thing that our couples therapy did help us with. We learned to keep the sexual issues from affecting everything else. We made that successful first step very well. To stop the blaming and all that. But that's where the therapy stalled completely and she didn't want to go further.

I can see how and why your W does it, the SA. What about you? What keeps you in the M? Is all this worth sacrificin your sexual needs?

Well, perhaps you can see it more from my viewpoint if I rephrase the question. Are my sexual needs worth throwing away/splitting up my marriage, the solid and positive relationship I have with the in-laws, our properties, schooling responsibilties, vacations, memories, etc. You're talking about all these changes for what... just so dad can have sex in a room where nobody else can see him a few times a week? No, correction, just so dad can have sex with another person in the same room, not just with his Playboy calendar?

I never thought I'd see "friends with benefits" in such a positive practical light as I do these days! And "open relationships", etc. I can see where some of those situations come from now.

I think valid questions which some have asked. Are you afraid of being alone?

Not really, because I can enjoy doing things by myself for periods of time, and I also know I'd get a huge kick out of dating. It's more what I'm giving up that matters to me. I've just seen way too many other parents where they just "move on", often with the shallow advice of friends and therapists, and leave a trail of broken emotions and situations, just so they can pursue their "happiness". And often the new situation turns runs into similar problems, if it doesn't fall apart completely. And often they wish they could go back to their old days again.