OK... maybe "clearer heads" have prevailed... it's possible I just needed to put that down to virtual paper and take about 5 minutes to think about it...
Obviously "reality" still hurts... but my goal was more contact... my goal was less secrets...
The truth is, I have to deal with whatever reality brings... and if that is my W actually and really having an A and eventually going through mediation and getting a D and this guy or some other guy will be part of my kids' lives...
well... that will be what it will be and as we say here, there's nothing I can do about it, except control me...
As much as it hurts, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to... I'm not down and out for a week or a month over it...
I have to "let" these things in so that I can work through them, get over them, and let them go... the LBS crises / transition...
Maybe my W is looking for a reaction, maybe how I react, letting my W transition me to the idea slowly and softly might be what my W is hoping for...
My negative reaction would be expected by my W, still... I suspect... she's probably not convinced that "change" in me is real... so I'll keep doing what I'm doing...
Maybe I'm not looking at it the right way... maybe... there are positive changes that I'm not seeing... maybe... what I'm doing is "working"... for me... yes... that's probably it...
