Well... on an up side... I have D9 with me this weekend (yesterday and today)...
That's about it...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random thoughts...
Had a bit of a blow out with D(almost 14)13... She wants a belly button piercing... as much as I don't like that idea at her age, I almost caved... then put my foot down and said "no"... wow... monster showed up in her, big time... and then she got W involved...
W sends a "pleasant" (negotiation) email... asking me to justify my decision... I didn't bite, not one bit... no reply...
I truly thought that W would concede and let D13 get the piercing... apparently not... it's like... somehow... my opinion now matters...?
Also found out this weekend that OM3 has pretty much taken my place with the ILs and such... Niece18 actually invited him to her 18th bday party on Friday at W's brother's... W's whole local family and friends were there...
Found out that OM1 fractured his neck in a quad accident... bad, of course, but not horrible... has a neck brace... if things were different, I would call him up and wish him a speedy recovery... right now, I think to myself, "Karma's a b i t c h..." but that's wrong... my momma taught me better than that...
And I think to myself, OM3 really seems like a catch for W... rich (probably makes close to 6 figures working oil figures; over past 10 years or so), giving (let's FS17 and W use his truck any time they want when he is away at work), lots of fun (I'm guessing years of practice of knowing how to party it up), possibly compassionate...
I know it's not for me to think or do, but "I can't compete" rattles around in my skull... he's me... but with lots of money... this time (as opposed to OM1), she appears to have affaired up...
Yet I know... I know, I know, I know... that there's gotta be some down side to this guy... someone with that kind of money, and carefree attitude, decent looks (I guess)... no one is "perfect"... certainly, no matter what my W has told anyone (or him) about me... someone who dates a M woman... that's just not right... unless... he really doesn't know that she is still M...
Yesterday, my W calls here to mention the pick up time for me to get D9... I didn't answer... she then sends an email and asks when I'll be dropping D9 off at the house... I respond... and she again replies back pleasantly (obviously she's been in a good mood as OM3 was coming out this weekend and W's had fun with him so far)... W replies and says that she won't be at the house at drop off time, as she is taking a friend to the airport... yeah... OM3... so NOW she's talking about him... I guess doing the introduction and trying to soften the blow...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh well... anyhow... I remain standing... but only until we get through mediation...
The harsh reality is... did I ever mention this earlier in my threads...?
I truly understand what "too little, too late" means... there is no way that all the damage done could ever be repaired... I mean... there are miracles, but... but... I don't think I believe in miracles any more... this would be a miracle that... I really don't want... I just want appropriate access / custody of my kids... an appropriate financial settlement... and I want to get on with my life...
I wish there was a way to erase her from my life... and there isn't... I so hope that in 4 yrs... I will be comfortable sitting in the same building as her, while we celebrate D14's HS graduation...
I'm going to enjoy the day hanging with D9... without a doubt...
but my mind is working on how to express to my W that I want NC... like really and completely... because I have been consistent with my NC boundaries through my actions... but... she just... isn't... getting the hint...
