Things have been truly great. The last 2 months have been about rediscovering each other and we are definitely stronger for it. Unfortunately due to some issues she is still having with her pills she hasn't been too much in the mood to ml. After 3 weeks of nothing I tried initiating last night told her I was really in the mood she brushed me off as too tired and napped in the couch.
I notice she didn't make it to bed, and was worried sick. I knew she got up and conciously slept on the couch. I figure she was angry again. I worried so much that all the trouble would start again I hardly slept. Eventually she came back to bed around 3. I asked if everything was fine she just said she was tired, and to stop pestering her with questions and sex when she is tired.
The next morning I asked how she was, she just kept saying she was tired. I dropped the issue and decided to GAL. Messaged some friends and got a couple of rounds of cards in. That really helped. On the way back I got us lunch, she looked at me and said I looked devastated. I told her the truth that I didn't sleep well because she didn't come to bed. She apologized, and tried to make it up with cute faces and jokes.
I later asked her why she was so mad, she replied that she hated when I was so needy, that all I want is sex, and that she feels worthless, because I don't want her I want sex. I tried telling her this is far from the truth and that I wanted her last night because I was attracted to her.
She half heartedly acknowledge this, and changed the subject. The rest of the day has been relatively good. With each other reaching for each other again. We have for the most part, been near each other but doing our own thing. I call it our version of standing on our own while being together.
My only worry is that she may start feeling like she needs outside validation again. I'm not sure how to meet that at this point. All I know is that if I push for sex while she feels inadequate she feels like i dont want her, just sex. This repulsed her, and pushes me back to where we were six months ago.
So laying off, and reshifting my efforts. On the other hand its kinda good to know that this has turned into a ssm issue, not a WAS or MLC. In a weird way it's progress, and maybe just maybe, piecing. I have been superstitious and don't want to jinx it but we may be at a point where we both love each other and want to stay together. We may just need to figure out how to meet each others needs.
