Treading water - time and patience

[Telemark]

NYCPeter, I'm catching up to your story, but I do want to comment on your question about moving into the spare bedroom.

Don't.

I made that mistake when my W dropped the bomb. It shifted the control and power to her, and I was miserable.

Others here may disagree, but my opinion is that if the WAS or STBWAS wants a separation of any kind - whether it is sleeping arrangements or living arrangements - they need to do the heavy lifting. Let her move out of the bedroom. And do not move out of the house, especially with your D9's condition. She needs the stability of having a strong father in her life.

No more storming out of the house, either. It shows weakness and your W will prey on that.

I know how difficult it is to try to live under the same roof. My WAW and I did that for 5 months, and it was hell. I made so many mistakes during that time, and did not show her the strong confident man I should have. In hindsight, I don't know if anything would have made a difference because there was an OM involved, but I know I did not help my case by being so agreeable and soft. I'm not suggesting you be a bully, but do not be a doormat.

Focus on yourself and your D's. Let your W start to feel what life is like when she is not the center of attention in your house.