Happy, unhappy.... whatever you want to call it if you want to put a single label on it. What we've managed better than most in our situation is to seperate the sexual issue. Sure, it's a big issue for me. But I separate it from a lot of other things that are good. Is that so hard to understand?
Yes, I've wondered why she wouldn't let me touch her in places. But because of lack of experience and not knowing about the SA, at first I thought it was just shyness on her part. When I was young I wasn't really sure when, how, how intensly etc. pleasure centers worked for women. Now I know better, but only through books, videos and what people have told me.
The question is simply what can I do and what can she be convinced to do to solve the problem. I'm not interested in who's at fault.
Sorry I mentioned anything about any "gift" and that you're tired of reading this. I didn't say I enjoyed my sexual frustration. If you think you're tired of reading this, imagine how tired I am of trying to solve the problem.
So what do you think is the real issue I'm avoiding?
You seem to want to find contradictions in what I say, as if that's the key here. What I've said it pretty straight-foward, or so it seems to me. Why would the problem need to be deep psychological issues on my part? Not saying that's not possible, but I've been through a lot of therapy so far. I'm in a difficult situation in terms of what I want and what I don't want to give up. To put it in perspective, compared to solving this problem, finding a new high-paying job a few months ago in this economy was easy by comparison.
What do I want? Just to be heard. Mostly I get what I want by just reading these boards and saying nothing. It helps me get a perspective on the inside view of other marriages and their problems. I wish I had had this perspective earlier in my marriage when I didn't know better than to assume that things were pretty much normal evey time I heard a joke about woman always having headaches on the Tonight Show.
