Not quite in midseason form...yet

[MadeToSucceed]

I don't see what you have to lose by waiting to send the letter, til LATER.

For me, I just believe IF I decide to send it I need to do so before things are all said and done. That's just what feels right for me. Ultimately she's going to perceive it however she wants to before OR after. All I can do is be honest and put the focus as much on me as possible in the letter and hope that at some point she reflects on it...maybe later rather than sooner...maybe never.

Sending her anything on her birthday is SO LIKE WHAT you have been doing all along, I see no upside at all.

Just looks weak & like more inconsistency on your end --as in NO CHANGE.

Can't you show some discipline and CHANGE this ONE time -when it counts?

Geez, this is the one thing you can do BEFORE the divorce that demonstrates change....

In May she texted me on my bday even though she was in Vegas doing God knows what. I guess for some reason that was kind of sticking with me. Despite the fact that she probably did it in part to be able to tell herself she was treating me nicely during this ordeal, I still think she was sincere in wishing me a happy birthday.

Also, I have shown discipline during this. I'm not ALL weak and the "same." I never contacted her before or after she ran. That was the first time I'd ever done that and so I stood strong there. The more I'm thinking on it, the more I'm leaning towards not sending anything. IF something changes my mind and I decide to it will ONLY be to say "Happy Birthday" and nothing more. I guess for me, I can still move on but be me as well. I know much of this has to be calculated but its also life and not a game. I at times feel like I shouldn't let the situation dictate who I am as a person.

I DO definitely see what you and jb are saying here. I don't really agree or disagree...I guess I'm still just trying to wade through my feelings on it.

my concern with your post is that MTS fears his wife or HE will move on so he clings to contact of all types...it's WHY he clings...he cannot imagine OW for him...ever...

And this fear slows down his detachment. Which slows down his GAL and moving on and all of that, imo, reduces the chance his w will return.

MTS, the good thing you have going for you and your w is that you two have serious history together. When the dust settles, she'll still miss your friendship and she'll allow all the positive memories and good feelings to resurface.

You'll be in great shape physically (as an athlete and semi public person, she probably loves it when you are in top shape, more than a lot of women. So keep up the work outs!!)

You'll be in great shape spiritually and mentally and emotionally, if you work the program b/c the program works.

MTS do you see that detachment and GAL and moving on, do NOT = giving up?

I sure Hope so.

THIS is the root of my struggle.

I do fear "life after." I miss the companionship. I guess deep down inside I'm more afraid of becoming hardened. I KNOW I can move on from her if I HAVE to but I'm honestly scared of whether or not I'd ever be able to move TO someone else. I'm scared of not being able to trust a woman again. I'm afraid that if this doesn't somehow work out, I'll be alone. I've known this woman for 7 years...and just like they were some of the best of her life, they were some of the best of mine. I guess I'm just scared of the fact that if a woman that I've known for 7 years is capable of this...what is someone I've known for 7 minutes capable of?

It's kind of confusing to me....I know it's not healthy to worry about that but I do. I enjoy being a husband. I've greatly been looking forward to starting a family...and I don't even know where I'd BEGIN to look for another woman. I don't do the club scene anymore...and when I do I don't feel comfortable and definitely am not looking for a W there....I know that's a long ways off and ultimately that if this does end in us never R then God has something better planned for me. It's just the human side of me struggles with the concept.

So you're right...I'm delaying some of my detachment because of my fear of an uncertain future and as much as I pray on it, I'm having trouble putting it into application.