Well, I'm sure nobody will agree with this but I have to do what I feel is the right thing to do. I try to live honourably and to treat people in the way I'd want to be treated. I messaged MM tonight "Goodbye Ms. MM. May your future be filled with joy. I will miss you. Kuya." I'm sorry but an abrupt "unfriend" on FB is not who I am. So, I've left a message that says I am the person I said I was, who she is in these situations is up to her. All done.
Kuya means "older brother" in Tagalog. She used to call me that sometimes teasingly because she said I called her "ate" once (you had to be there) which is older sister. Have fun in Atlantic City, gabbysmom!
Maraming salamat Gabbysmom. I tried to do what I thought was right, she has not replied and I'm sure won't but that's her business. Today at various times it hits me that she's gone, finito, out of my life forever. I feel so sad, but hey, that's what grief is all about right. I'll live.
OK, my world has gone completely crazy. Voldemort came over tonight to bring some things to the girls. Before she left she came into the living room and said "I don't bud into your life very much but I know that something is wrong with you this week. I'm concerned about you and want you to know I care. I've got time and I'm willing to sit and listen for as long as you need me" What the hell! First I tried the "I'm just tired, nothing is wrong" approach. She said "I know that's not true, there's something wrong, but if you don't want to talk about it you don't have to" (and no the girls didn't tell her) I said "I lost a R this week, it's very fresh and I'm hurting right now" We talked for a bit, I cried and she hugged me. OMG, how weird is this...and that's all I'm gonna say about it! I'm in shock... again. I can't wait for the postman to approach me next! What a week.
Following along as well and congrats on recognizing your mistakes. Don't worry, you'll make different ones the next time, and the next time. The important thing is to learn from each experience; more importantly, reflect back on what you learned about yourself. Yes! Stay detached for awhile and let the other person show you through actions. Heck, we can all talk all day, but can we walk the talk? That's what you have to find out. We're all new at this and probably never got it right the first time around. Try not to beat yourself up and believe love will happen again...because it will and probably when you least expect it and aren't looking for it.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Wii, you're not divorced yet, are you? Perhaps, you need to finish that R completely before dating again. Just a thought. I was shocked to read how your WAW reacted to your pain ... quite a reverse to her normal self.
I think when I get to the dating stage, I'm going to learn by everyones mistakes here. I'll just hang out in groups. Just have friends, and then see what happens. I find that worked for me in my twenties, so it should work still. I am not too desperate to fall in love again. Yes, it would be nice to have the companionship of someone of the opposite sex, but in a group, one could have the companionship of lots of people. That's my theory. It's still to be tried.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I think what I should really key on is responding to mixed messages, they never mean anything good. When that happens it's time to slow down, step back and reassess. At one point I did back off with MM, I don't believe I ever mentioned it here. I'd asked her to do something on a weekend and her response was "I'll have to check and see what my roommates are doing, we'll see" Um, that was not enthusiastic (She likes to go out to lunch with her roommates on Sundays, who btw wanted her to ask me to come...which she never did! So I never called but left it to her and guess what on the Saturday she's texting me and Fbing me. So I took that as her showing interest and asked her for the next day, she said yes and we had a great time. But, again, when you're getting mixed messages continually, rather than try to analyze each message, look at the whole and respond to it. That's what I've learned....today anyway! Btw, Voldemort told me last night that she was impressed that I was able to stand up for my needs so quickly in this sitch. She also said MM sounded like a nice person who just got overwhelmed. Anyway, that's it for me. I went to church in the morning and the race track in the afternoon...broke even, that's a winning day in my books! Tuesday night I'm starting a five week church seminar series "How to let God help you", it's about healing. I'm there for that.
So all my friends are saying it's so wonderful that I put myself out there and know that I can care for someone again. Yeah wonderful, today I feel depressed, empty and like someone died. This is so great! I'm so much better off than I was before...I know don't say it!!! This too shall pass.
Wii: You need to pull yourself out of this. You are mourning something that is not worth this much grief. No sense in mourning longer than the friendship lasted.
And I know - don't say it - but I will anyway. You need to stop making it into more than it was. Stop defending who texted first or added one to Facebook. The intent was still pretty clear.
I said it yesterday and I'll say it again. Go back and read your entire thread. Try to look at it from the outside (like the rest of us) not from the inside.
It was not a bad thing that you made a connection/friendship but stop giving it so much power.
One more thing you won't like me to say but I don't think you should have messaged her that last time. It had ended. Finit. To get the last word goes too far and I doubt it was received well.
Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure but the truth from over here.
Hope your counselor doesn't sugarcoat it. When they tell you just what you want to hear - it really isn't that helpful.
Now pull up your socks and know that you are loveable and the right person will love you for who you are. MM was not that person.
