Quote: The one thing this mess has done for me, well more than one as I have found a person I never knew was inside me, but I have found self forgiveness. I don't think that is something anyone else can give you or really help you with, you have to get to the point you realize you can't keep beating yourself up for your past and let it ruin your present. I realized I cannot go back and make amends, there is nothing further to be done in that sitch. It is time to let go and move on with my life. I hope CJ comes to that point quicker than I did.
Excuse me... was this REALLY posted by Pam?? Whoa! Pam, awesome, awesome insight.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
what a letter!! nice to have those thougts from h in writing.
as far as the whole "prick" argument goes...I'd tend to think it had more to do with "his" meaning of the word prick..and well the fact that in some way your use of it sent the message to him that he is a prick in your eyes. You guys will no doubt get through it..it was a needed talk...glad you returned the favor with a letter to him...why not try another out of the blue that isn't a reciporacle thang.
Hi Shiny - I just got back in town. Two things struck me: - First, the "prick" issue - my H used to have a real disproportionate response the very rare times I said "F U" to him during a fight - turns out his Father said it to him once, brought up very bad childhood memories that had nothing to do with me.
- second - seems like you both comunicate well writing letters - maybe you should take more advantage of this method of communicating? I framed the letter my H wrote to me declaring his love and put it on the dresser
Yes we both do well with letters and notes...in fact in my letter I suggested we revisit the whole e-mail thing. Right now, however it seems he's taking a break from his computer...hasn't really been on it in over a week.
LL...glad your Christmas was good!
Ellie...same to you! Jewellery!...maybe those commercials got to your H!
Yes, it's been just over a year for me, since bomb two..Late Feb since the A's been over...but I am SO grateful to be where I am this year.
As much as I wouldn't wish what we've all been through on anyone, I must admit that I'm more grateful for the things I used to take for granted or even get pissy about: the decorations, being together, making plans...
Okay, so tell me where THIS nasty impulse came from today:
I'm sitting in the back room (CJ's asleep), thinking about his letter and the fantasy of e-mailing it to HER flashed through my mind.
I know, revenge pure and simple. I mean the THINGS she e-mailed to me, people! Photos, love letters, plane ticket information...
Some vengeful part of me WANTS her to read CJ's words...how he's always loved me...how he dismisses her outright. Toward the end of the letter, CJ expresses amazement at how he let OW control him ..how he told her things and wrote stuff to shut her up...and how weak he was for doing so.
(Tal, am I EVER glad I didn't ASK for a letter!!!)
But of course I WILL NOT send his precious letter to that...person... I don't want to reopen that door for anything.
WEll best shut 'er down and try to do the same for my late night mind!
Shiney, You sound amazingly good! How wonderful your H wrote those things to you. When they wake up they can see things for what they really were. They are remorseful and tell us things that we have longed to hear for a LONG time. I'm still waiting for that! Rachael
I really hope CJ gets it a lot quicker! 
'word'. 
I meant that in a 'nice' way. 