Stillness

[Finah]

Why have I let her back in? I don't know that I ever kept her out. I am not pursuing her, but if she wants to communicate with me (which has been pretty rare) I am not going to refuse entirely.

That is reasonable, can't say I have really done anything different. In my sitch I always feel like I am always saving WW when she is near the bottom, somewhat difficult not to think of my own and apply to yours. But the way you have been communicating with her has been in a sense, perfect imo.

I like the " I don't know that I ever kept her out "

I think for me it's a question of "what does that look like?" Because at the core of all of this is the question of does doing this lead me in the direction of the life I want to create for myself, or does it lead me into some kind of tar pit of maintaining emotional fusion while simply redefining the 'rules' of the relationship to accommodate her issues?

I think that's the risk.

It seems to me that she is experiencing her own consequences in her own way already. The fact that she feels so unsure about what to do strikes me as a consequence.

For sure, she sees you have pulled way back, not so much so that you dismiss her, but enough to cause her to notice.

I don't see it as my job to impose consequences on her - I used to view things this way - but if there are consequences coming from me, they will only be because it's what is in my best interest.

Really I think you are in a good place. Farther than me in actually applying the concepts, lol.


Time and patience is pretty much it.

If it turns into something you don't want...you'll know.

If it turns into something that works for you....you'll know.

The rest is kind of up to her, nothing you can really do about that and you recognize that.