My emotions are all over the place. Really need some insight atm as to where and how to proceed? D is set in motion. Very beginning stages. We are very civil and seem to get along better that when the bomb was first dropped. If the D wasn't in the air one wouldn't be none the wiser to an outsider.
this ^^^is not all bad. You have the gift of some time to DB and I would NOT do all the house projects if you are not GAL at all. GAL would also be a 180 and might help you in other ways. Get a little mystery going for you. Did you read the 37 Rules for DBing newbies?
Also do you see how poorly you reacted to the rejection you felt from sex "denied" you? That's a classic problem that is at the core of many divorces...I hear women hating it mainly b/c they feel so pressured.
WHen I ask them what "pressure" means they say "h will pout or get angry if I say 'no'" and that turns them way off.
I am not the type to say "no" lightly, for several reasons.
But when I do, I don't want a hassle from my h acting like a kid who didn't get his ice cream. I don't withhold sex to punish or reward my h with. It's not a weapon.
OTOH if your w attaches too many "conditions precedent" to making love
then it IS a chore for you both. What? You have to build a room, or a brick wall, and she has to...do what? "put up with it", lay there? I also wish you had not let this problem fester so long.
Did she ever like sex? I'm betting yes...IF SO, it can come back. What was different then? And what were you like when she fell in love with you?
That was a telling clue she gave you. She misses that man...and it is you.
Be him again. Underneath your pain and anger and fatigue and complacency
is the man she fell in love with.
RE: when you tell the kids, my family c said not to say the word "divorce" but
" trial separation" to see if....OR a "time out" type of talk to let them down gently and allow them to adjust at their own rate.
Never say "divorce" if you are not 100% positive and you're not. Even if she says she is...why push that onto them all at once?
Especially since things APPEAR to be good in the home. That makes kids crazy.
Still in same house. I'm currently looking for a house. No physical contact since mid-July. Kisses goodnight and 'love ya' ceased August 29th or so. Still in same bed. why are YOU moving out? hire a L asap and empower yourself with knowledge. I hired one and she helped us stay together actually. Don't worry that it means you MUST do something but once you move out, you lose a lot of leverage.
BTW When H found out the reality of divorce, he got a lot nicer.
Constantly wondering what she's thinking, who's she texting, and who is she talking to on the phone.
Sooooo very confused!
STOP obsessing about what you do not control And all of that stuff ^^^ is out of your control
so it is ALL wasted energy on your end. And negative too.
I cannot stress GAL enough. Do it!
Be the best father you can be b/c you should be, for you and them and b/c no woman fails to notice that.
when thoughts of OM come into your mind (and a cute boy toy comment and some flirting are NOT the same as a true affair or I"ve had 343 of them!!
seriously though, if she found him attractive and joked about it, you need to be secure enough (at least in front of her)
to hide the jealousy b/c it sounds like it annoyed her a lot. Rent some comedies to see, make it easy for her to feel relaxed around you, maybe even enough to laugh around you...
let her see you playing with the kids, let her see you reading to them or teaching them something...lovingly
and be a man only a fool would leave.
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
