Just a thought: he may not want the money transferred as a way of hanging on as well as a measure of control in a world he may not feel like he has any control in.
Just a thought. No excuse of courrse, but...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks for your reply, I have been away for a few days [GAL]
I think you are right about control - completely pointless of course, as it is a court order, and his action delayed things by perhaps one or two days.
My therapist friend thinks xh is becoming extremely unstable, and this is further evidence. There was absolutely no point at all to the action, and then immediately after he did this I get a really friendly email. I decided to ignore the email for a while.
I have read and heard that the MLCer's instability is at it's worst at the beginning of their journey and then again at the end when they're trying to pull all the pieces back into one. Might this be happening to your H? Or do you believe it to be more of the same?
SA - thanks for stopping by. I am having a catch up while I recover from a very hectic few days
I suspect that reality is setting in big time with my xh, but could be wrong. I keep hearing from old friends who report hearing from xh for the first time in years. . . . although our oldest and closest friends haven't heard from him yet.
I have the oddest feeling that he is sitting on a knife edge, and that he could fall one way and be out there 'forever', or fall the other and get the help he needs. Who knows though?
We cannot fix them and at times I wonder whether my continued occasional contact is helping or hindering. Talk about walking in the dark with your hands tied!
Brookie - thanks for this. I was undecided about responding to his latest email sent a couple of weeks ago and I will follow your advice and see if he contacts me again. It was friendly and very impersonal, but he had just done something mean spirited so I know he is feeling bad. Both about the mean action ad the need to do it.
Beatrice, I agree w/Brookie...allow him to lead. I wouldn't contact him right now. If he does surface once again, don't be too quick to respond, i.e., sit on the action for a just a bit and when you do respond, think of him as a friend you've not heard from for a while.
I agree w/you...people who area happy and okay w/their lives don't do things like he did.
I do hope you are okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, thank for stopping by. I value your advice, and your last sentence gave me pause.
Am I OK? A very good question, and one to which I would say yes and no! I am well, and I know that I glow with health because friends who I haven't seen in a while have all commented on this.
I have largely come to terms with my xh's MLC, and have a wonderful project renovating a house in the country. However, I do think in some ways a later MLC - those of us who are substantially 50+, is rather different. As we get older, in many ways we move off centre stage, and had thought to finish our lives quietly with our spouse. So, like Brookie, I am thinking about who I really am and what I want.
in addition a number of good friends, and my brother, all have health issues in their lives which I am concerned with.
My kids are amazing, and have dealt with their much loved father's defection in their own ways, but the hurt and damage lies deep within them. This worries me.
25years has posted very wisely about the shame that the MLcer actually feels about the hurt they have done, and not being able to face this fully.
I suspect, although we can never know, that my xh is avoiding this at present. By which I mean consciously avoiding it rather than, as in the past, ignoring it.
I think he is on a knife edge, as I posted, and it could go either way. So I am staying very still and going about my life as best I can. I am not unhappy, but I am concerned at present. Even though my xh has been gone a while, in terms of the time we spent together it is a small proportion.
I would like him to be OK for himself and for his children. it is hard to see someone you loved very much so damaged and so hurting. But there is nothing I can do to help. And as we know here, that in itself is hard too.
I had been out all day and got back and found an email from my xh after a couple of weeks radio silence. He wants my opinion on the European economic crisis.
I kid you not. Now what was that about letting him lead on contact . . . .??
