Hey GAL Man. Yeah.. at this point, FB is needed oh so much.. I've been using it nearly every night to connect to friends who I otherwise wouldn't be talking to. It's also been very useful in networking myself as an artist and for my Community Band Program. But DG is right.. it's time to take the steps needed to try and take the focus off of him.
Journaling -
This is the first Saturday drop off where he and K are spending the day with the kids (and her S4)... STBXH said they have lots of fun plans, parks, zoos.. etc etc... It's the Disneyland Dad syndrome rearing it's head up again.
Still... I'm glad everyone is going to have a good time. Particularly glad for the kids. They were so excited because Daddy had a surprise for them. Quickly hugged me and then they jumped into his car. I stayed happy and upbeat.. told the kids I hope they have an awesome day and I'll take them home with me after I'm done work.
After their car drove away I had a bit of a cry. It felt more of a needed pressure release than anything else. Forgot to give them their coats (texted him "Do you want the kid's coats?" He said "No, it's going to be a hot day out today anyway") so I spent some time hugging their coats tightly before I got out of the car and came into work.
When does this stop hurting? Does it ever?
It's time to wake up and smell the reality... Even tho' I never, ever wanted this in a bazillion years... I'm going to be someone's ex-wife. Even typing that brings out feelings of anxiety.
Going to IC on Monday. Good. I think I need to start it.
After STBXH drops the kids off at my work for me to take back home I'm instead going to drive by his parents place and finally have a talk with them. He told me that he's informed his parents of our separation. Now I can feel free to approach them. They were so incredibly supportive of me the last time we separated.. I want to maintain a good relationship with them. I didn't want to tell them and have been avoiding them because I didn't know if they knew and I didn't want STBXH to think I was trying to undermine him if I ended up telling them first.
Oh the webs we weave....
After the talk with my in-laws.. which I know will be heavy and I'll end up crying in... I'm going home.. putting the kids to bed and calling High School Friend over to play cards and watch a movie. I know I'll need the "chill out" time and am looking forward to it.
In another note.. I'm starting to chronicle my feelings on leaving a long term relationship and entering single mom life (again) into an auto biographical webcomic. Just in the writing stages right now.. but the source material is fresh and it's a good way to get my feelings out.
Hope everyone has a good weekend out there in LBS land. One day at a time.
Yeah.. at this point, FB is needed oh so much.. I've been using it nearly every night to connect to friends who I otherwise wouldn't be talking to. It's also been very useful in networking myself as an artist and for my Community Band Program. But DG is right.. it's time to take the steps needed to try and take the focus off of him.
