Quote: What is most worrisome about his need for self-punishment is the backlash on your ability to have a good R (hard to be happy if he feels he doesn't deserve it).
This I second in a real big way!!!!!! It is I believe a part of what happened to our marriage. I was still beating myself up from guilt over my divorce. I didn't deserve to be happy.
The one thing this mess has done for me, well more than one as I have found a person I never knew was inside me, but I have found self forgiveness. I don't think that is something anyone else can give you or really help you with, you have to get to the point you realize you can't keep beating yourself up for your past and let it ruin your present. I realized I cannot go back and make amends, there is nothing further to be done in that sitch. It is time to let go and move on with my life. I hope CJ comes to that point quicker than I did.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
