(Well I guess it was early morning reading for most of you)
CJ thanked me for my letter, alas no time to talk as by the time I got up it was off to his sis and BIL's for his family's Christmas dinner....(something there did't agree with me...another night of gastric upset ).
I agree with so many of the insights you all shared. I DO think it was more than just coincidence that I used THAT particular word...as I've explained it's not one I use much (I'd say bastard or SOB ).
I agree with you, Cath about alcohol fueling arguments...it did play a role here, albeit minor. CJ'd had a few drinks, but it was over the whole visit, through dinner...It DOES lower inhibitions, and sure doesn't help impulse control
But it DID need to come out...I said so in my letter. We needed to have that talk, and more such. I had no idea he was SO far from forgiving himself!
Jeannine? Tal?...my memory SUCKS! ...Someone said that his current actions are NOT that of a "prick"...exactly!
But you are also right that CJ really DOES believe he DESERVES to suffer for this. He told me so in the beginning...and he admitted it again last night.
I apologized to him for bringing the ghost of the A into our argument over J. I said it was a low blow to get the upper hand, end the escalating words...NOT something I think is right nor plan on repeating (can't guarantee that, however this was one of very few slips of this nature).
He shrugged and said "why not? I deserve it".
So I suppose you are right, it will take him time and his own inner work to resolve this...In a way it's weirdly comforting that he feels THIS badly about it all.
Not that I want him to suffer...but heck it sure beats making excuses, rationalizing, blaming me....
).
). 
...Someone said that his current actions are NOT that of a "prick"...exactly!
