PLEASE!!! Need help quick! Calling all vets!

[25yearsmlc]

Tad,

just so I know I'm not confusing you with someone else, this is the same woman w/the crazy texting to you recently? Where she got mad about a gf from 6th grade? Don't forget that. I don't say that so you'll "hold onto your anger" but I do want you to hold onto reality and not get amnesia b/c she looks good and acted normal for 24 hours.

Drew, what you said is true. I just don't think she does....

Can we NOT discuss what you think she thinks about whether she notices your changes....??? Just for awhile?? Remember that think about GAL?


Mach, Very good question. I do want to save the marriage. I just wonder if I'm hanging onto hope for nothing.


what does that hope "cost" You? How costly is holding onto hope a few more months when it's a 26 y/marriage you are talking about?
What pressure are you under to end things and give up sooner? IS there an OW?

I mean, what's with this idea that you MUST see results or quit?

Why can't you just be your best self anyhow?

Quick update:

W got to my house a couple of minutes before me from work to pick up S16 this evening. She asked if she could come in because she wanted to talk to me and our sons. My boys had dinner before I got home. She told them that it was terrible that they didn't save me any.

wth? whatever...


She asked how I was doing. I told her I was great and about my job. She sat us all down at the table and I thought "here it comes.....she is going to delay things."

WRONG

You wanted her to delay the divorce stuff or you dreaded her doing it? I'm confused...


She ended up telling us that her stepdad's cancer has returned. I told her I was sorry and to give her parents my best.

This may sound terrible, but I felt like a kid at Christmas waiting for the last big gift under the tree and "knowing" it was the one thing that I really wanted and finding out that it was a pair of socks. So disappointed.....

Tad, get a helmet on and screw it on straight. THINK THIS OUT...

are you telling us that if your wife --who was batchit crazy less than a month ago, --told you "ILY and Don't want a divorce"...that would be FINE with you??

All would be well??? Man you are not seeing the light here...you are choosing blindness.


She looked amazing for once and seemed like her old self.

I realized how much I really do miss her and still want her in my life.


well that's b/c "FOR ONCE" She wasn't a nutjob blaming you for gf's from 30 years ago tonight...

she wasn't whining about speeding up the divorce and telling you to hurry up and GAL and leave her alone...

Why are you sweeping all that under the rug?

I worry that your biggest problem of fear and conflict avoidance, REMAINS UNCHANGED---

"conflict avoidance" =

aka cowardice b/c frankly, few of us LIKE conflict-- but we handle it b/c it's life and

ignoring the awkward moments tends to INCREASE them and their severity...

I worry that has not changed or improved for you...so you two would be back here in a year or two...

My God.

Anyways, I thought about sending her a text after she left that said: "Do you think sometime soon we can sit down and really talk about us?"

That's a big NO-NO right?

RIGHT....(OMG!!)...

I just can't believe that throwing away and forgetting the past 26 years can be so easy for her.

STOP MIND READING THIS^^^...

IT'S A BAD UNHEALTHY UNPRODUCTIVE CHOICE YOU KEEP MAKING...

Legal update:

My W and I were supposed to each fill out a statement before our court date coming up on October 14th. We were supposed to each send one to the judge and one to each other. To my knowledge, W has not sent it because I have not received my copy from her. I have sent mine to the judge, but not to W. I'm almost afraid if I send it to her, it will remind her to get her copy in. It'll be late, but she'll still get it in. Make any sense? The deadline was today. Any advice on what I should do? 25, aren't you a lawyer? Any thoughts?

I don't know what state you are in, nor am I licensed in it, nor would I give legal advice to someone I didn't know online...in public about a matter for which I have insufficient information.

But I would urge YOU to make a call to your L and ask them. Why are you afraid to call your L?

My feeling is you are again letting your negative mind reading and FEARS rule your actions. That's same old same old and has gone on for too long...

You are now paralyzing yourself from compliance with the law b/c it might make the woman who is divorcing you, remember that she didn't mail something??

Then what would happen?

Would she....leave you? Oh wait, that already happened...would she get angry or yell? Already did that too.

I'm not trying to hurt you-I'm trying to protect you...

When has SHE acted at all better towards you?

When you are dark and more confident.

Any answers seem clearer to you now Tad?

I think some of this is just a way to say STFU and be more disciplined man.

There is strength in silence. Your pursuit has only hurt your cause and self respect. Your sons are watching...they see.

When you get the urge to pursue her and ask to talk (as if that would go well Tad...

You really think suddenly the words out of your mouth will Now be the right mix, so that she'll completely wake up and what? She'll GET IT?"--

instead of pursuing her yet again-

read the text messages you two engaged in and remind yourself of why she's out of the house but your boys are with you...

and remind yourself of how much work you both have to do to have a healthy m again.

When she is ready you will know! She's no wall flower.






A little down after seeing the old W tonight......Sometimes I want to see the crazy W just so I KNOW it is MLC. I know, that sounds really bad.


See above comment

I guess things are just starting to sink in...

Tad

possibly sinking in for her too...